Artie Lange - Group Therapy in Rehab

Artie Lange: The Stench of Failure Season 1, Ep 101 10/18/2014 Views: 12,925

While in rehab, Artie Lange found himself in the unenviable position of giving advice to someone with a very checkered past. (3:01)

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So then they sent me downto rehab.

20 miles outside of Miami.

That's not too frustrating.

I'm in rehab 20 minutesfrom coke town.

And they have group therapyin rehab,

and I got to registera complaint.

The way they do group therapyin rehab, it doesn't work.

It doesn't work, guys,because what they do is

they make the peoplein the group

give the therapy tothe other people in the group.

The counselordoesn't do shit.

And what do I knowwhat to say to somebody?

It could ruin somebody's life.I don't know what to say.

So this one group, there weresix of us in the group.

And the woman who was thecounselor was this woman, Angie.

She was, like, 400 pounds,an enormous woman.

And she had a big cup of coffeeshe used to rest on her stomach.

And one day a new guycame in the group.

The guy's name was Juan.This new guy's name was Juan.

And he sits down,and Angie goes like this.

She takes a sip of the coffeeand goes,

"Juan, why don't you tellthe rest of the group

what brought you here today?"

So Juan gets up--My hand to God,this is what Juan says.

"Listen, guys, don't judge me.I'm not on the judgmental tip."

I don't know what that means.That's what he said.

I'm not in the Wu-Tang Clan.

I don't know what that means.

But then this is what came outof Juan's mouth verbatim.

"I kidnappedmy best friend's baby

and sold it for angel dust."

Then he sat down.

Juan said,

"I kidnappedmy best friend's baby

and sold it for angel dust."

Then he sat down.

Okay.

That was followedby the longest pause

in the history of man.

Then this is exactlywhat the counselor said.

Angie took a sip of coffee,and she goes like this,

"Artie, feedback."

Feedback?

Feedback? What the [bleep]?Feedback?

This guy should be playing chesswith Charles Manson.

Feedback?What the [bleep] am I gonna say?

I don't know what to sayto this guy.

I failed gym.I failed gym, okay?

It's not fair to Juan.

What I'm saying isit's not fair to Juan.

I don't know what to say.It's not fair to Juan.

But she wouldn't stoplooking at me.

So I got up, and look, I speakin front of people for a living.

I was scared to death.

I got up, and I said,

"Listen, Juan"...

[laughter]

"We've all had shitty days."

"If I were you,

"I'd try as hard as I can

not to do that again."