Julie Goldman - Confusing

Season 2, Ep 0206 06/21/2007 Views: 4,922

If a straight guy comes on to Julie Goldman, she knows he's gay. (2:27)

You know, people think lezzieshate me-- we don't hate men.

We love men.We love our daddies,

we love our brothers,we love our boyfriends.

But I got to tell you something.

I went to a bar.This is a little tangent.

I'm a little confused becauseI went into a bar recently,

and I was hit onby a straight man.

Very confusing.

Because I think I understand

what the straight manlooks for in a woman,

and it generally does notcome in this package.

Do you know what I mean?

So when a straight mankind of hits on me,

I'm, like, "Dude, you're gay,first of all."

You know what I mean?

Think about it.

Secondly,this guy came up to me.

It was so interesting,

'cause he came up, says,"How you doing?"

And I was a little confused.

And I wanted to be nice,so I sort of answered him

the only way I knew how.

I go, "I'm good!How you doing?!"

But he didn't get it.

He kept going for it.He kept going for it.

He was, like, "I'm really good,

so, you know,can I buy you a drink?"

"No! I'm all right,I'm all right, I'm all right!"

"Are you here with anyone?"

"Yeah! I'm here with my lesbianhomosexual lesbian lesbo

lezzie, lezzie, lezzie...l-l-l-l-lesbo wife."

He kept going.You know what he said to me?

"Can I call you?"

Can I call you?

So I (bleep) him.So anyway...

I'm not made of stone!I have needs, too!

It was, like, two minutes.

It was great.

Anyway, you guys.

I love being in a relationship.I love it.

I think oppositestotally attract.

Opposites totally attract.

She's so smart, my lady.She's so smart.

I love the smart girlswith your glasses.

Ooh! She's in graduate school!

So I come homeand she's reading!

A book!

And she's so cute.

And she wants to talkabout what she's doing

in her graduate things.

And she wants to talk abouther international affairs.

She says, "Julie, I'm readingthis amazing book.

"You won't even believe what'shappening in the world today.

"It's just crazy.

"The international globalizationof the Third World,

"economical development ofthe ozone layer falling apart,

"and the triangulationof the copulation

"of the Third EthiopianSudan migrant workers,

and the peanut farmers..."

(speaking gibberish)

I'm, like, "I like chips."