Doug Mellard - Valentine's Day

Season 2, Ep 0204 07/05/2007 Views: 2,053

Doug hates Valentine's Day. (1:20)

Anybody love Valentine's Day?

(scattered cheering)

Who here hates Valentine's Day?

(loud cheering)Yes! Yes!

These are my people! Whoo! Yes!

I hate that.If Cupid were here,

I'd rip off his wingsand punch him in the diapers.

Let's go. Yeah.

Let me tell you whyI hate Valentine's Day.

'Cause, a few years ago,on Valentine's night,

I thought I would havea nice, romantic evening in

with a lady.

But little did I know that,that same night,

her ex-boyfriend thought hewould try to win her heart back.

And, being the sweet,romantic guy that he is,

he thought the best wayto do this

would be to get all coked up...

and then jump through a window

and try to murder me.


Don't "whoo" that.

I know what whatyou fellas are thinking.

Like, why didn't I think of it?I know.

There's always next year.

'Cause, you know what?It worked.

They're still together.It's great.

Don't feel sorry for me thoughbecause, you know,

I got a cash settlementout of the deal.

And I'll tell you thisright now--

getting stabbed actuallypays better than comedy.

So... yeah.