Bobby Bottleservice - Dos and Don't-Do-Its

Nick Kroll: Thank You Very Cool Season 1, Ep 101 01/29/2011 Views: 8,738

Security guard Bobby Bottleservice goes over the rules and regulations of the show. (2:27)

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AND NOW, IT IS MY PLEASURE,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

DAMAS AND CABALLEROS,

DIRECT ON THIS STAGE,

SECURITY GUARDROBERT BRUSCHA.

- NOT YET?

[cheers and applause]

AH HA HA HA HA HA.

HELLO.MY NAME IS ROBERT BRUSCHA,

AKA BOBBY B,

AKA BOBBY BOTTLESERVICE.

[cheers and applause]

OKAY, VERY COOL.VERY COOL.

OKAY, I'MTHE SECURITY GUARD HERE TODAY,

AND I WANT TO SAY TO YOUFIRST AND FIRST MOSTLY,

SAFETY FIRST.

BUT ALSO...

BE DANGEROUS.

[cheers and applause]

OKAY, SO I'M HERE TO GO OVERSOME DOS AND DON'T DO ITS,

AS FAR AS THE RULESAND REGULATIONS GO

HERE AT THE SHOW, OKAY?

SO, FIRST, NO CELL PHONES,

UNLESS IT'S, LIKE, AN IMPORTANTCALL FROM ONE OF YOUR BOYS.

LIKE, IN MY CASE, THAT WOULD BE,LIKE, JIMMY Z

OR DANNY DO,

'CAUSE, LIKE,HE ALWAYS DOES.

NO DRINKINGTO "ASSESS," OKAY?

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE, OKAY?

LIKE, I WAS ONCEAND ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS,

I'VE BEEN A V.I.P. GUEST

AT A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT UFCTAILGATING EVENTS,

AND ON ONE SUCH OCCASIONS...

I CHALLENGED A SMALL GIRLTO A PUSH-UP COMPETITION.

BUT I HAD JUST SIMULTANEOUSLYAND MOMENTS BEFORE

EATEN A NUMBER OF VODKA-INFUSEDKOBE BEEF SLIDERS.

AT WHICH POINT, I FELLINTO A STATE OF DEHYDRATION,

BECAUSE TO DRINK WATERIS TO SHOW WEAKNESS.