Jonah Ray - Good Excuse to Drink

  • Season 2 , Ep 7
  • 05/24/2013
  • Views: 11,865

Jonah Ray keeps some friends around because they're terrible at relationships. (2:35)

I try not to drink beer,

which is the worst thingI've ever done in my life.

(chuckles)It's really hard. I love beer.

I love... I love,like, a hefeweizen beer.

You guys, like a wheat beer.Oh, it's good.

It's like candy. I tr...I'd eat candy to get drunk

if I could. Can't.Doesn't work, so I...

so hefeweizen.

But it sucks'cause it's, like, the most

fattening beer you can drink.So much carbs, a lot of sugar.

And it's like saying, "Hey, man.

What's your favorite kindof bread?"

"Cake.

"Cake's my favoritekind of bread.

"You ever have hamand Swiss on red velvet?

"Oh!(gibberish sounds)

I'm kind of a foodie,and it's my thing."

Quick tip:posting pictures on Facebook

of food does notmake you a foodie;

it makes you unfriendableon Facebook.

I like a good excuse to drink--

you need that as you get older.(chuckles)

Can't just go all out,especially when you get

into a relationship, you need anexcuse to drink during the day,

which is the best time to drink.

It's like you're getting awaywith something. You're not.

But it seems like it.You're like a spy.

You ever get drunkduring the day and then realize

you have to run an errand?Not a... Not fun.

"Anyway, we reallyshould work on that ba...

"Oh! My kids!

They won't know."

They know.

And it makessome of this happen.

I get... That's why you needa-an excuse.

You know, a good excuse to drink

is a sad friend. Ooh!A sad friend

is the best excuse to drink,'cause if you got that,

then you're set,because it's, like,

you can use that as an excuse.

I have a friend thatgoes through, like,

bad relationships constantly,and that's probably why

I keep him around.

He's, like, "Things aren'tgoing good with me and Amy."

I'd be, like, oh, no!

He needs the...(singing gibberish)

going to the thing, you and me.

(laughter)

Come on, I'll take youto Happy Land!

(laughter)'Cause I'm a good friend.

And now I can use thatas an excuse to my girlfriend.

I could be, like, "Well, whatam I supposed to do, Sheila?"

Fake girlfriend nameI just made up, Sheila.

"What am I supposed to do?

"He's my best friend, you bitch!

"I'm supposedto leave him here by himself?

(stammering):"He... What?

"Yeah. Yeah,I got Irish car bombs.

"I got a whole mess of them,because he just needs to let go,

"we need to do this. Wait.

"What's that?

"Yeah, I got chicken wings.

"Got a whole messof chicken wings,

"'cause he wasn't allowed toeat 'em, and now he's gonna...

"What?

"I don't know whenhe's gonna show up.

(laughter)

"But when he does...

we're gonna talk aboutwhy you're so tall in this bit."

(laughter)

(applause)

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