Joe Rogan - Explaining Kim Kardashian to Aliens Pt. 1

Joe Rogan: Rocky Mountain High Season 1, Ep 1 11/21/2014 Views: 63,618

If Joe Rogan ever had to describe human culture to aliens, he would have a hard time explaining why Kim Kardashian is the most famous woman on the planet. (2:40)

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Like, if alienscame down here

and we hadto explain human culture,

what would be the mostconfusing thing to explain?

Kim Kardashian.

That's not even a joke.

Not that there's anythingwrong with her.

She seems like a reasonable,nice person.

She doesn't seem mean.

I got no problem with her,but if you had to explain

why she's the most famous womanon the planet,

it would be a little difficult.

If they were like,"What's going on?

Why her?"

You'd be like "Ooh, um..."

That is the most famous female

on the planet,by the way.

I see some of youshaking your head.

Who's more famous?

Oprah?No sex tape.

She wins.Fame, what's fame?

People paying attention to you.

I really think that's the mostfamous person on the planet

that's a female, and if youwere talking to aliens,

they'd be like, "How didthat happen?"

"Um, do you guys knowwhat football is?"

You'd have to explain football,

because you'd haveto explain O.J. Simpson,

and if you're gonna really,

truly tell the Kim Kardashiantale correctly,

you'd have to go, "Footballis the great American pastime,

"and what it is,it's our number one sport.

"We take the biggest superathletes, and we pad them up,

"and it's all about movingthe ball across the line, okay?

"The ball goes acrossthat line,

"everybody gets [bleep]ingpumped,

"'cause that means we scored,

"but if the ballgoes across that line,

"everybody gets really sad,because that means they scored,


"So more people watch footballthan vote for president.

"It's our number one thing.

Now, O.J. Simpsonwas really good at football,

"so he [bleep]ed a lotof white chicks,

"and he got crazy,

"and he married one of them,

"and what marriage is, is youwrite some shit down on paper,

"and then when the womangets tired of your nonsense,

"she can leave,and have sex with new men,

"but you have to continuesending her money.

"Yeah, well, O.J.wasn't buying that either,

"so he...

"he allegedly got a thingcalled a kitchen knife,

"and he found his ex-wifealone with another man,

"and he put the knifein their bodies

"until they stoppedbeing alive,

"and then he hired a teamof legal assassins

"to get him out of trouble,

"and they workedtheir verbal wizardry.

Said.'If the glove does not fit,

"you must acquit,'and all this craziness,

"and O.J. walkedon all charges,

but Kardashian and JohnnieCochran died young of cancer."

Now, I don't know if karmareally is a mother[bleep]er,

but if you got a better example,tweet it my way.

You know what I'm saying?