Jessi Klein - Regular Oil Check

  • Season 15 , Ep 13
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 14,807

Jessi Klein is going to let her eggs rot in her body like the baby carrots at the bottom of her fridge. (2:06)

When you turn 35you sort of find yourself

having conversations that younever thought you would have.

Like, I recentlywent to my lady doctor

just for likea regular oil check,

look under the hood.

It is purring downthere, you guys.

And everythingis perf'.

But, so we're like,we're wrapping it up

and then she starts likeflipping through my file

and asking mequestions in a way

where her voice getshigher at the end.

So, she's like, "So, tell meagain, how old are you now?"

And-and I'm like,"Um, I'm 35."

And she's like,"Uh-huh and remind me again,

"are you dating anyone?"

And I'm like,"No, super alone.

"What's up?"

And, uh...

[audience laughing]

And she's like,"Well, I was wondering

"if you'd liketo talk now

"about the possibilityof freezing your eggs."

And I'm like,"Freezing my eggs?

"What's that?"

And she-- hang on,

and she's like,"Oh, it is super easy.

"All you have to do isinject yourself with hormones

"like twice a day forlike a thousand days

"and then you just come infor like general surgery

"and we just usean ice cream scoop

"and we just scrapeout your eggs."

And I'm like,"You know what?

"You're making thatsound amazing...

"but I think I'm justgonna let my eggs

"rot in my body."

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

"You knowwhat I mean?

[applause]

"I... I'm just gonna dolike the same thing I do

"with like baby carrots,where I just buy them,

"put them at thebottom of my fridge,

"wait till they'reoozing brown liquid

"and thenthrow them away.

"So, thanks very much... butI'm gonna just stay barren.

"See ya next year.

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