Hadassah's Baby

Lisa Kushell & Sarah Silverman Season 2, Ep 31 04/06/2004 Views: 38,282

Two months after using a hot tub, Hadassah realizes that the sperm in the water has impregnated her. (3:16)

( phone ringing )

>> Open Air.

>> Hi.

I used one of your hot tubs two

months ago.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> And I just found out that I'm

pregnant, and I am without a

doubt positive that it's from

the hot tub.

>> Um...

( water bubbling )

You're probably going to want to

call and talk to the, like, the


>> I'm... I need to talk...

I don't... I want to not get off

the phone until I know that

you're going to do the right

thing by this baby.

>> Oh, okay.

Um, do you want me to leave a

note with your name and number

for the manager?

>> Uh... ( sighs )

I'd rather... I mean, a note?

>> Well, just with your name and


>> I'm pregnant.

You know, um...

>> Mm-hmm.

>> I don't know if I want to

leave a note.

I would like to... be reassured

that things are going to be

taken care of.

You know, this is...

>> Uh-uh.

>> If it's not your fault, whose

fault is it?

The sperm fairies?

I don't believe in sperm fairies


You know, I was in that hot tub.

>> Uh-uh.

>> And there was clearly,

obviously looking back, semen in

the water that swam up inside

me, into my vagina, up my labia

tubes, into the egg, into the

yolk of the egg, into the

nucleus, into a baby that swam

into my heart.

And now, I love this kid, and I

don't know what to do.

I... You are my baby daddy, and

I want to know that, you know...

>> And you're positive about

everything and all that?

I mean, there's just no doubt?

>> I am 100% positive, and I am

just praying that you do not

have a lot of Mexican customers,

um, customers that are going to

be, you know... featured in my

child's face.

>> One thing I could do is...

>> I would like... I would like

to have the store DNA-tested.

>> Oh.

>> I want the store to raise my


>> Uh-huh.

>> While I finish college.

I'm going to bartending college.

>> Have you talked to anybody

about this yet?

>> No, I wanted you guys to be

the first to know, but I-I think

that... Open Air hot tubbing

should do the right thing and

marry me.

>> Well, um, I can take down

your name and your number.

>> Have you ever been

impregnated by a hot tub?

>> No.

>> You know, I don't want people

to tease him.

I don't want them to call him


"Hot Tubby."

Or if he's fat, you know.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> And I'm... I don't want it

to... I know because you do have

a high level of chlorine... and

I just hope that it doesn't do

anything to my baby

( voice cracking ): unless it's

superpowers, you know.

>> Can you just call back first

thing in the morning?

>> Well, I've been having a lot

of morning sickness.

I'm vomiting a lot and I'm

having a lot of dia.

>> Okay, I-I can't go...

You know, I can't... I...

You're going to have to call

Diane in the morning, okay?

Go ahead and call back.

>> Okay, but I want to organize

the birth to be in the hot tub

that impregnated me.

>> Are you sure you're not crank