I was Tchotchke on the hitseries "Who's Watching?"
I also played Mr. Tuesday on theseries "Every Other Wednesday,"
which came out on--came out on Thursdays,
First time I wore a suitjacket since my bar mitzvah,
ladies and gentlemen--first time.
I don't remember-- yeah, OK,applaud whenever-- I don't
remember much aboutmy bar mitzvah.
The only thing Iremember-- I killed!
That's what I remember.
Nobody could followme at my bar mitzvah.
It was over when I was done.
My mother is a-- my mother is--I like when people look around
to see what's happening--I, uh-- my mother
would be so proud that I'mfinally wearing a suit jacket.
My mother is always tryingto get me to dress up
for comedy. (NEW YORK ACCENT)You mean you wouldn't wear
a nice blazer onstage, Andy,with a dress shirt open-necked?
My entire family is from Queens.
And everyone in Queens hasthis look on their face.
That's not pastrami asfar as I'm concerned.
And we all laugh about it.
Ladies and gentlemen-- and whenI say "ladies and gentlemen"
I mean it only in themost insincere, fake,
show business-like way possible.
I started comedy in 1949.
I started out in the Catskills.
I was a tummler.
I used to entertain peoplein their hotel rooms
in the heart shaped bathtubs.
Now-- now I travelaround the country.
I play everywhere.
Because I'm Andy Kindler,bargain comedian.
Get the lowest price from thebiggest hack in the business.
I'll beat it by $10, oryou get the act for free.
I don't know if you're clappingbecause it's a good price
or you enjoy the joke.
For $50 more, ask aboutmy suitcase of fun.