I dated a girl oncewho convinced me to purchase
these Japanese animal pajamas,
these full-on--don't you [bleep] judge me.
Listen, listen, here'swhat you got to understand.
I am relationship color-blind.
All I ever see are green flags,so...
She was like, "We shoulddress up like animals."
I was like, "Okay."
So we purchased these things.
They're called kigurumi.They're Japanese animal pajamas.
People wear themto anime conventions, all right,
and it's a full-on, like,
like, full-on footy,tail, animal head,
full-on pajama-type situation--
and by the way,we're not [bleep] furries.
Like,I want to make it very clear.
We're not furries.
We're fleecies, all right?
We're fleecies.It's not sexual.
We just wanted to be comfortableall night, all right.
So...you go out,
and they makeall kinds of animals,
and you pickyour favorite one, right.
You bond with one.
You bondwith your spirit animal,
and she chose a yellow fox
because it was cunningand wild and wise,
and I chosea purple wolf 'cause Prince.
I don't know why.It was the last one,
so I bought it.
We take it home,and I very begrudgingly,
like, put this on, like,"What am I doing?"
And I get it on,and it was, like,
the greatest [bleep] feelingof my entire life.
It's like your entire body
is hugs, being huggedby these animal pajamas,
and now I start getting into it.
I'm like, "This isn't so bad.
I can wear--"And I'm stomping around like
"Where the Wild Things Are,"like, "Yay.
I'm over 40."
Like, I can wear animal pajamasif I want to.
It's not a big deal.I'm a grown man.
I earn my own money.[bleep] it.
Hey, maybe I'll buya race car bed.
That's not weird either.I can buy a race car bed.
I'll prove it's not weird.
Ladies, you will [bleep]a guy in a car.
Great, the car'sparked in my bedroom,
and it has a mattress in it.
So get out of my dreamsand into my car.