Greg Giraldo - Global Warming Is Real

  • Season 8, Ep 18
  • 04/01/2004
  • Views: 2,908

The Bush administration doesn't care about the environment. (2:34)

THE BIG ISSUES?

LET'S SEE, THE ENVIRONMENT

OF COURSE.

I'M TELLING YOU I THINK THE

ENVIRONMENT'S GONNA BE A BIG

ISSUE.

I'M VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE

ENVIRONMENT.

THE GLOBAL WARMING.

THAT'S WHY I'M VOTING FOR

DICK GEPHARDT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

[SUBDUED LAUGHTER]

I CAN SEE HE'S GONNA DO VERY

WELL.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIS

POSITIONS ARE.

BUT YOU GOTTA FIGURE AN ALBINO

WITH NO EYEBROWS MUST BE

WORRIED ABOUT THE OZONE LAYER,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT DUDE HAS GOTTA BE

SWEATING IT BIG TIME,

'CUZ THIS ADMINISTRATION DOESN'T

CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

YOU KNOW SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH,

A TEXAS OIL MAN NOT THAT

CONCERNED ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

BUT LET'S FACE IT, THEY DON'T

GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE

ENVIRONMENT.

CHRISTINE TODD WHITMAN HAD TO

QUIT AS THE HEAD OF THE EPA.

YOU KNOW WHEN A GOVERNOR OF

NEW JERSEY DECIDES THE

ENVIRONMENT IS HOPELESS...

[LAUGHTER]

YOU GOTTA REALLY THINK THAT ONE

THROUGH.

I MEAN EVERY DAY THERE'S

SOMETHING NEW IN THE PAPER.

IF YOU REALLY CARED ABOUT THE

ENVIRONMENT, YOU HAVE TO ALMOST

BECOME SUCH A-- YOU HAVE TO USE

SUCH POWERS OF DENIAL TO GET

THROUGH IT, BECAUSE EVERY DAY

THERE'S NEW STORIES THAT COULD

JUST BLOW YOUR--

YESTERDAY IN THE PAPER THERE

WAS A STORY ABOUT BREAST MILK.

YOU KNOW, THIS TOXIC, FIRE

RETARDANT CHEMICAL IS BEING

FOUND IN DANGEROUS LEVELS IN

WOMEN'S BREAST MILK.

THAT COULD MAKE YOU--

MY WIFE'S BREASTFEEDING BUT YOU

KNOW YOU GOTTA BE AN OPTIMIST.

AND I'M LIKE, WELL, MAYBE IT'S

MAKING MY CHILD FIRE PROOF.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU END UP HAVING TO BE AN

OPTIMIST, 'CUZ THE GLOBAL

WARMING IS REAL, FOLKS.

GLOBAL WARMING IS HAPPENING.

LOOK AT OUT WEST.

THEY'RE GOING THROUGH THE WORST

DROUGHT IN THEIR HISTORY.

IN VEGAS, THEY'RE RATIONING

WATER.

THEY'RE RATIONING WATER IN

VEGAS.

THAT'S GONNA KILL THEIR ECONOMY.

WHO'S GONNA HOLD A CONVENTION

IN A CITY WHERE ALL THE WHORES

ARE THIRSTY AND SWEATY AND DIRTY

AND DEHYDRATED?

[LAUGHTER]

NOBODY'S GONNA FLY ACROSS THE

COUNTRY FOR A THIRSTY WHORE,

FOLKS.

NOBODY WANTS THAT.

YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE LIKE...

AH-- HA-- HA--

[LAUGHTER]

SOCIAL SECURITY'S GONNA BE

A BIG ISSUE IN THIS ELECTION.

SOCIAL SECURITY IS DEFINITELY

GONNA BE A BIG ISSUE,

BECAUSE WE TREAT OUR OLD PEOPLE

HORRIBLY IN OUR COUNTRY.

WE NEED TO TREAT OUR OLD PEOPLE

THE WAY THEY DO IN EUROPE.

LEAVING THEM ALONE TO DIE IN THE

HEAT WHILE WE GO ON VACATION.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M NOT KIDDING.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED IN FRANCE.

15,000 PEOPLE DIED, 'CUZ THEY

ALL HAD TO SKIP THE COUNTRY

AND GO OUT TO THE RIVIERA

AND SUN THEMSELVES IN THEIR

BALL-HUGGER MAN THONGS.

THEY COULDN'T EVEN--

[LAUGHTER]

THEY COULDN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED

TO PICK UP THE CELL PHONE AND

CALL GRAND MAMA, TELL HER TO

TAKE THE SWEATER OFF,

IT'S 145 DEGREES OUT.

YOU GOTTA TREAT YOUR OLD PEOPLE

BETTER, RIGHT?

WHEN I GO ON VACATION, I LEAVE

MY GRANDMOTHER IN THE BASEMENT

WHERE IT'S COOLER.

YOU GOTTA DO THAT.

BIG BUCKET OF WATER, PLENTY OF

CAT FOOD TO HOLD HER OVER,

YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

YOU CAN GROAN IF YOU WANT,

BUT I DON'T MEAN THE CAN TYPE,

'CUZ SHE DOES HAVE THE

ARTHRITIS.

I MEAN THE EASY OPENING KIBBLE

BAG.

SO DON'T JUDGE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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