John Oliver - Voting in Australia

  • Season 1, Ep 1
  • 01/08/2010
  • Views: 22,977

Australians exercise their democratic rights by getting drunk first thing in the morning. (3:19)

THERE'S ONLY ONE COUNTRYON THE PLANET,

ONE DEMOCRATIC NATION

WHICH HAS A RESPECTABLE TURNOUTAT THEIR ELECTIONS.

IT'S AUSTRALIA.

THEY HAVE 100% VOTINGIN AUSTRALIA.

HOW HAVE THEY ACHIEVED THIS?

WELL, IN AUSTRALIA,IT'S ILLEGAL NOT TO VOTE.

(laughter)

THAT IS BRILLIANT.

WHO'D HAVE THOUGHTTHEY WERE CAPABLE

OF THAT KIND OF THINKINGDOWN THERE?

(laughter)

IT MUST BE ALL THE BLOODRUSHING TO THEIR HEADS.

I DON'T KNOW.I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT A SCIENTIST,BUT THEY ARE UPSIDE DOWN.

THAT'S A FACT. THAT IS A FACT.THAT IS A SCIENCE FACT.

I DON'T WANT TO ARGUEABOUT THIS.

THAT IS A SCIENCE FACT.THEY ARE UPSIDE DOWN.

FACT. FACT.(applause)

WHAT AN ODD THING TO APPLAUD,THAT IS.

"YES, TECHNICALLY,THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE.

"I GUESS, THEY'RE ONTHE BOTTOM OF THE MAP.

"IT SOUNDS WEIRD,BUT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

IT'S HARD TO ARGUE WITH--THEY ARE UPSIDE DOWN."

IT'S TRUE, THEY HAVECOMPULSORY VOTING IN AUSTRALIA.

AND THE PROBLEMTHEY'VE RUN INTO, THOUGH, NOW

IS THAT PEOPLE HAVE STARTEDVOTING DRUNK.

IT'S TRUE, THEY HAVE TOGIVE EVERYONE THE DAY OFF WORK

TO ALLOW THEM TO VOTE,AND PEOPLE CHOOSE TO EXERCISE

THEIR DEMOCRATIC RIGHTSBY GETTING ABSOLUTELY SOZZLED

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

THERE YOU GO--YOU HAD MOREIN COMMON WITH AUSTRALIA

THAN YOU THOUGHT,DIDN'T YOU, NEW YORK?

ARMS ACROSSTHE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE OCEAN.

(laughter)

IT'S TRUE, AND SO NOW,IT'S GOT SO BAD,

THEY'RE SUGGESTING CLOSINGALL PUBS AND BARS

NEXT ELECTION DAYAS A REPORT'S BEEN RELEASED

SAYING THAT VOTING DRUNKAFFECTS YOUR ABILITY TO VOTE

BY 18%.

(laughter)

WHICH I THINK...

HAS TO BE...

A GUESS.

(laughter)

(applause)

BECAUSE...

I LIKE TO THINK WHEN I'VE BEENTRULY DRUNK IN MY LIFE,

WHEN I HAVEREALLY LET MYSELF DOWN,

THAT THAT WOULD AFFECTMY ABILITY TO VOTE BY--

AND THISJUST A BALLPARK FIGURE--

BY AROUND 100%IN THAT IT REMOVES MY ABILITY

TO WALK, THINK,AND GRIP ANYTHING!

(laughter)

AND YET THIS SAME REPORTFOUND OUT VOTING DRUNK

ACTUALLY MAKES YOUMORE RIGHT-WING.

(laughter)

I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

(laughter)

IT'S AGAINST YOUR POPULAR NOTIONOF THE DRUNK MAN, ISN'T IT?

"I LOVE YOU!

"I BLOODY LOVE YOU!

"BUT I CANNOT JUSTIFYCONTINUED EXPENDITURE

ON THE WELFARE STATE."

(laughter and applause)

"YOU'RE LIVINGIN A DREAM WORLD!

"IT'S A LOVELY IDEA IN THEORY,BUT IT DOESN'T WORK!

PEOPLE NEED INCENTIVES!"

(laughter)

"IT'S A REGRETTABLE SIDEOF THE HUMAN CONDITION!

"I DON'T LIKE IT ANY MORETHAN YOU DO,

BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE ITANY LESS TRUE!"

(laughter)

"I'M A SURPRISINGLYARTICULATE DRUNK!"

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

WE HAVE SOME FANTASTIC COMEDIANSCOMING UP TONIGHT.

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