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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Sign Off - New Slang
Season 5 • 10/01/2009
From now on, the word for "awesome" is "massive."
More
Watching
00:05
Sign Off - Goodnight, Grammy
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen says goodnight to his grammy.
09/30/2009
02:41
Send Your Medical Bills to Max Baucus
The Colbert Report
S5
Senator Max Baucus will pay for your medical bills from the $3.2 million he's received from the health care industry.
09/30/2009
03:39
A Pace Odyssey
The Colbert Report
S5
NASA begins assembling Stephen's treadmill so America's famously fat astronauts can get trim in space.
09/30/2009
05:42
Richard Dawkins
The Colbert Report
S5
After offering evidence for evolution, Richard Dawkins wants to see the evidence for God.
09/30/2009
07:14
ThreatDown - Environmentalists, Kang Lee & Mountain Pine Beetles
The Colbert Report
S5
Environmentalists target soft toilet paper, Kang Lee exposes the lies parents tell kids, and mountain pine beetles prevent us from shooting bears.
09/30/2009
00:29
Intro - 9/30/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen has an update on his space treadmill, and he'll evolve Richard Dawkins' book into tiny shreds of paper.
09/30/2009
04:11
Francis Collins
The Colbert Report
S5
Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.
10/01/2009
05:09
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 1
The Colbert Report
S5
Competitive eater Brad Sciullo wants to prove anything is possible by finishing a 15-pound hamburger called "The Belly Buster."
10/01/2009
02:03
Najibullah Zazi Threatens Beauty Supplies
The Colbert Report
S5
Suspected terrorist Najibullah Zazi threatens America's unregulated use of beauty supplies.
10/01/2009
08:03
2016 Olympics in Chicago - George Wendt
The Colbert Report
S5
George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
10/01/2009
00:25
Sign Off - New Slang
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen introduces some new slang into the teen lexicon.
10/01/2009
06:30
Arne Duncan
The Colbert Report
S5
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
10/05/2009
04:42
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2
The Colbert Report
S5
Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
10/05/2009
00:03
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report.
10/05/2009
01:25
Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's Failure
The Colbert Report
S5
The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
10/05/2009
00:34
Intro - 10/5/09
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama proposes a longer school year, and Arne Duncan could only get a job as a secretary.
10/05/2009
05:46
The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
The Colbert Report
S5
As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
03:28
John Darnielle
The Colbert Report
S5
John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
04:32
Formula 401: A Star Is Born
The Colbert Report
S5
Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09
New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The Colbert Report
S5
The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
The Colbert Report
S5
As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
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