Ted Alexandro - Mardi Gras

  • Season 10 , Ep 7
  • 03/09/2006
  • Views: 10,461

Ted relives his Mardi Gras experience. (2:02)

I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS WHOARE GETTING MARRIED.

I TRY TO AVOID TALKING TO THEM ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES NOW

BECAUSE IT'S SO DEPRESSING.

THEY'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT IT, RIGHT.

I WOULD RATHER WATCH SCHINDLER'S LIST SPLIT SCREEN

WITH HOTEL RWANDA WHILE READING THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK

THAN LISTEN TO A MARRIED GUY TALK ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE.

IT'S DEPRESSING.LADIES, PLEASE,

[BLEEP] YOUR HUSBANDS, FOR GOD SAKES.

I CAN'T LISTEN TO MUCH MORE OF IT.

ONE GUY TOLD ME IT HAD BEEN SIX MONTHS

SINCE HE GOT TO SECOND BASE WITH HIS WIFE.

YEAH, I DIDN'T KNOWWHAT WAS MORE PATHETIC.

THAT HE USED THE PHRASE "SECOND BASE"

OR THAT HE HADN'T BEEN THERE IN SIX MONTHS.

I'M STILL ENJOYING THE SINGLE LIFE.

WENT DOWN TO MARDI GRASA COUPLE YEARS AGO.

THAT WAS FUN. I WENT WITH A BUDDY OF MINE. IT'S CRAZY, YEAH.

I WENT WITH A BUDDY.HE WAS ANOTHER COMEDIAN.

THERE WERE SOME GIRLS UP IN A BALCONY.

A CHANT GOES UP,SHOW YOUR TITS.

I JOIN THE CHANT, BECAUSE I SUPPORT THE CAUSE.

[LAUGHTER]

THE GIRLS SHOW 'EM,WE THROW UP SOME BEADS,

I FIGURE THAT'S THE ENDOF THE TRANSACTION.

TURNS OUT, THEY RECIPROCATE WITH A CHANT OF THEIR OWN,

"WE WANT [BLEEP]." WHAT DO YOU DO?

TURNS OUT I HAD SOME [BLEEP] ON ME.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

UNFASTEN, UNBUTTON, UNZIP,

BEADS SHOWERING DOWN ON ME.

BEST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

CUT SHORT, HANDCUFFED,THROWN AGAINST THE WALL.

MY FRIEND RUNS OFF BUT MANAGESTO GET A PICTURE BEFORE HE DOES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT PRISON BUT I DO KNOW

HANDCUFFED WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN COVERED IN BEADS

IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO ARRIVE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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