Trevor Moore - "Drunk Texts to Myself"

Trevor Moore: High in Church Season 1, Ep 101 03/06/2015 Views: 3,179

With a little help from Reggie Watts, Trevor Moore shares the confusing thoughts he has recorded while inebriated. (4:00)

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I have a bad habit ofdrinking a lot

and then--

and then texting myself.

And they're usually justlittle ideas or reminders

or stuff that I thinkis important at the time.

And then when I wake upthe next morning,

I don't remember sending themand they're just nonsense

and they don't make any sense.

I do it all the time.

So what I decided to dowas compile

some of my actual drunk texts

that I've sent to myselfover an 18-month period

and turn them into a song.

So that's what this is.

And these are allmy actual drunk texts, so...

♪ Drunk texts to myself

♪ Messages through time

♪ I don't rememberany of these ♪

♪ What was goingthrough my mind? ♪

♪ Drunk texts to myself

♪ Subconscious to my phone

♪ What are thesesupposed to mean? ♪

♪ Should have leftthis thing at home ♪

"Start a bandcalled Dwarf Cooter."

♪ Dwarf Cooter

"Black people arethe second-worst

at being president."

♪ It felt good,second place ♪

"Tell all of your friendsyou're moving back to Virginia,

then just move across town."

♪ Move acrosstown, yeah ♪

"Write a dinosaurchildren's Christmas book.

"The last line should be,

'Because it had never snowedin Dinosaur Land before.'"

"You kicked the door,

but the light thingwas already broken."

♪ Mm-mm-mmbroken ♪

"Secretly learn French."

♪ Oh, he's so amazing, yeah

"Try to get the rightsto Space Jam."

♪ Try to get the rights

♪ Drunk texts to myself

♪ Messages through time

♪ I don't rememberany of these ♪

♪ What was goingthrough my mind? ♪

♪ Drunk texts to myself

♪ Subconscious to my phone

♪ What are thesesupposed to mean? ♪

♪ Should have leftthis thing at home ♪

"Fat Girls Taking Dumps

would also bea great band name."

That's a great name, man.

I agree.

"The 7-Eleven on Franklindoesn't sell beer

because they're Muslim."

♪ Muslims don't knowhow to party ♪

"See if LOLfarts.comis taken."

♪ And dot organd dot net ♪

♪ and dot edu

"Porno for Pyrosis the one

that sings Tahitian Moon."

♪ Tahitian Moon ♪

"You need to pay the bus drivertwice next time."

♪ Just got to getout of here ♪

"Rapping dog TV show."

[barking]

"Tonight, by the tire swing,

"there's a fight to the death

as the deer staresinto the field,"

followed by 17exclamation points.

Heavy exclamationpoints.

"Learn to Tokyo drift."

[makes engine sound]

"I am justa conscious vibration

observing my little sectionof life."

- ♪ Drunk texts to myself - "Sent from my iPhone."

♪ Messages through time

♪ I don't rememberany of these ♪

♪ What was goingthrough my mind? ♪

♪ Drunk texts to myself

♪ Subconscious to my phone

♪ What are thesesupposed to mean? ♪

♪ Should have leftthis thing at home ♪

[cheers and applause]