Steve McGrew - Rebuild

  • Season 9 , Ep 1
  • 09/24/2004
  • Views: 9,896

TO FLY.

THEY SAY FLYING IS SAFER THAN

DRIVING.

THAT'S A LIE, ISN'T IT?

IF YOUR CAR STALLS YOU DON'T

FALL OUT OF THE SKY.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T WORRY

ABOUT DYING, IF IT'S YOUR TIME

TO DIE, IT'S JUST YOUR TIME.

WHAT IF IT'S NOT YOUR TIME,

WHAT IF IT'S THE GUY SITTING

NEXT TO YOU?

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S HIS TIME TO DIE.

WE'RE ON HIS PLANE.

THIS IS GONNA SUCK.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

DON'T WORRY THE STEWARDESS

IS THERE, SHE'LL SHOW YOU ALL

THE SAFETY INFORMATION YOU NEED

TO KNOW.

YEAH, WHAT DO THEY SHOW YOU?

HOW TO USE A SEATBELT.

YEAH, WHERE'S MY PARACHUTE?

[LAUGHTER]

IN OLD WAR MOVIES I'VE NEVER

SEEN, "THE PLANE'S BEEN HIT,

TIGHTEN UP."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

I WOULD JUMP OUT AND FLAP

MY ARMS FIRST.

YOU DON'T KNOW YOU MIGHT GET

LUCKY.

"WE'RE HERE AT THE CRASH SCENE

WHERE EVERYBODY DIED EXCEPT ONE

MAN FLAPPED HIS ASS TO SAFETY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THEN THEY'D CUT TO THAT

ONE GUY, "HE DID. I SEEN IT."

[LAUGHTER]

DO YOU EVER WATCH TV AND JUST

WISH YOU COULD ACTUALLY SLAP

STUPID PEOPLE IN THE TV?

[CHEERS AND LAUGHTER]

GOOD, IT'S NOT JUST ME.

"THAT'S THE 15th TIME THE RIVER

HAS WASHED AWAY OUR HOME."

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"WHAT ARE Y'ALL GONNA DO?"

"WELL, WE'RE GONNA REBUILD."

[LAUGHTER]

BOOP, BOOP, BOOP.

"THEY'RE BACKING UP MY HOME

NOW."

BOOP, BOOP, BOOP.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

IF ANYBODY LIVES IN A

MOBILE HOME, I'M NOT PICKING

ON YOU I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT

YOUR SAFETY.

[LAUGHTER]

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE

BEFORE PEOPLE REALIZES GOD HATES

MOBILE HOMES?

[HOLLERS AND LAUGHTER]

EVERY TIME YOU TURN ON THE NEWS

A MOBILE HOME PARK BLOWN TO

HELL, ISN'T IT?

NEVER DOWNTOWN ANYWHERE.

YOU TWO MILES OUTSIDE THE CITY,

"WHAT HAPPENED?"

"I SEEN IT.

[LAUGHTER]

I HEARD THIS LOUD TRAIN

NOISE..."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I'D LIVE IN AN INDIAN TEE PEE

BEFORE I'D LIVE IN A MOBILE

HOME.

I HAVE NEVER HEARD, "WHAT

HAPPENED?"

[IN INDIAN VOICE] "MMM,

HEARD UM LOUD TRAIN NOISE

COMING TOWARDS TEE PEE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"TRIED TO GET IN BASEMENT,

NOT HAVUM ONE.

RAN TO MY CASINO FOR

PROTECTION."

[LAUGHTER]

TAKING BACK AMERICA ONE NICKEL

AT A TIME.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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