Rick Cleveland - Second Date

Rick Cleveland's My Buddy Bill Season 1, Ep 0101 02/07/2008 Views: 230

Rick Cleveland enjoys a wonderful outing on the beach with his new friend Bill Clinton and their dogs. (2:59)

Watch Full Episode

AND THEN SOMEHOW THE SUBJECTOF OUR FATHERS COMES UP.

AND I MENTION THAT MINE HAD BEENA BUS DRIVER AND AN ALCOHOLIC.

AND THAT'S WHEN HE TELLS MEABOUT HIS STEP DADWHO WAS ALSO AN ALCOHOLIC.

IT TURNS OUTWE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.WE HAD ALCOHOLIC DADS.

HE WAS SOUTHERN WHITE TRASH.I WAS MID-WESTERN WHITE TRASH.

HE GOT ELECTED PRESIDENT TWICE.I VOTED FOR HIM BOTH TIMES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE TALK ABOUT OURFAVORITE PRESIDENTIAL TRIVIA.DID YOU KNOW THAT

NOT ONLY DID GEORGE WASHINGTONFREE HIS SLAVES AFTER HE DIED,

BUT HE WAS ALSO ANACCOMPLISHED SPELUNKER?

OR THAT WILLIAM HOWARD TAFTWAS THE FATTEST PRESIDENT

EVER TIPPING THE SCALESAT OVER 350 POUNDS?

I DON'T KNOW, IT'S WEIRD,

BUT THE CONVERSATIONWE'RE HAVING ISN'TTHE LEAST BIT STILTED,

IT JUST KIND OF FLOWS.TO BE HONEST,

IF I WAS A SINGLE WOMANOR A GAY MAN...

[LAUGHTER]

I WOULD'VE WANTEDTO JUMP HIS BONES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AFTER THAT,THE PRESIDENT DRIVES ME HOME.

HE DOESN'T ACTUALLYDRIVE ME HOME,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

WHEN SHERLOCK AND IGET OUT OF HIS LIMO,

HE SHAKES MY HAND AND PATSSHERLOCK ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD.

"THANKS FOR TAKING ME AND BUDDYTO THE BEACH," HE SAYS.

"WE HAD A GREAT TIME."I SAY, "WE DID, TOO."

AND THEN I SCRATCH BUDDYBEHIND THE EARSAND I TELL THE PRESIDENT,

"GET HIM A CAN OF TENNIS BALLSAND PLAY WITH HIM FOR 10 MINUTES

EVERY TIME YOU COME HOME."AND HE SAYS, "I SURE WILL."

LIKE HE DOESN'T MINDIN THE LEAST THAT I JUST GAVEHIM ADVICE ABOUT HIS DOG.

AND THAT'S WHEN HE LOOKS AT MEAND SAYS, "YOU CALL ME BILL."

"OKAY, BILL," I SAY."YOU MAKE SURE AND GIVE MY BEST

TO YOUR WIFE, MARY, HE SAYS."AND THEN HE ADDS,

"WE'LL SEE YOU SOON." MARY AND ISPEND THE REST OF THE DAY

ON THE PHONE CALLINGOUR FRIENDS AND MOTHERS.

AND TELLING THEMABOUT MY DAY AT THE BEACHWITH THE PRESIDENT,

- MY NEW BEST FRIEND, BILL.- [LAUGHTER]

I DIDN'T EXPECT THATI'D SEE HIM AGAIN SOON,BUT ON THAT I WAS WRONG.

A FEW MONTHS LATER,I GET ANOTHER CALL FROM HIM.

HE TELLS ME THAT HE'SCOMING BACK OUT TO CALIFORNIA

TO LOOK AT MORE HOUSESAND HE WONDERS IF MARY AND I

MIGHT LIKE TO JOINHIM AND HILLARY FOR DINNER.

APPARENTLY, THE SPIELBERG'S,THE HANKS', THE DANSON'S

AND THE BLOODSWORTH-THOMASON'SWILL ALL BE OUT OF TOWN.

SO, OF COURSE, I SAY YES.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO CHECKWITH MARY FIRSTOR EVEN ASK WHAT NIGHT.