Miracle Lake

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 09/03/2013
  • Views: 9,400

Woody uses an unorthodox method to show all the rangers the newly discovered healing powers of a lake in the park. (2:07)

- SO, WHAT'S THIS BIG,IMPORTANT NEWS?

- YEAH, WOODY,WHAT ARE WE DOING--UHH!

- YES!- [gasps]

[bubbling]

OH, MY GOD.SHE'S COMPLETELY HEALED.

- AND MY RASH IS GONE.

- I WONDERIF IT CURES BITCH.

[splash]

- I THINK MY HYMENJUST GREW BACK.

- DON'T WORRY.IT'LL BE GONE AFTER HAPPY HOUR.

- RANGERS, OLD WOODYHAS DISCOVERED A MIRACLE.

AS YOU CAN SEE,THIS LAKE CURES ANY AILMENT,

FROM THE COMMON COLDTO CANCER.

- YOU COULD HAVEJUST TOLD US.

- YEAH, SURE,BUT THIS WAY WAS MORE FUN.

- HOW WERE YOU SUREIT WOULD WORK?

CONNIE COULD HAVE--UHH![gunshot]

- I COULD GET USED TO THIS.

- THERE MUST BEA SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION.

- YEAH, ASSHOLE,THERE IS.

I WAS CHOSEN BY GODTO HEAL THE SICK.

- AND ANOTHER REASONNOT TO BELIEVE IN GOD.

- THE LORD WORKSIN MYSTERIOUS WAYS,

AND RIGHT NOW,HE WANTS ME TO BE RICH.

SICK PEOPLE, LOST SOULS,DEEP POCKETS, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

RELIGION EQUALS MONEY!

NOW, WE'VE GOTA LOT OF WORK TO DO.

- WORK? YOU WERE SUPPOSEDTO TAKE ME SNOWBOARDING TODAY.

- SORRY.NO TIME, CUBBYKINS.

DADDY IS GOD'S PROPHET NOW,AND I DO PLAN TO PROFIT.

- YEAH. ANOTHER SCAMTHAT'LL BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE.

I WANT TO SHRED THE SLOPESLIKE SHAUN WHITE.

HE GETS LOTS OF ASSFOR AN UGLY WOMAN.

- SHRED THE SLOPE?YOU'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN SNOW.

- WAIT.YOU'VE NEVER SEEN SNOW?

- COULD SOMEBODY EXPLAINTO THE DIVERSITY HIRE

THAT BEARS HIBERNATE?

THAT MEANS SLEEPFOR A LONG TIME, DENZEL,

SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BEFAMILIAR WITH.

- TAKE IT EASY ON DENZEL.

HE'S HAD A ROUGH DAY--UHH![gunshot]

- WHAT'S WRONG, DENZEL?

- EVER SINCE I WASA LITTLE BOY, I HAD A DREAM.

AND THEN,I REALIZED THAT DREAM.

AND NOW--[gunshot]

[screams]

- SORRY, I COULDN'T LISTENTO ANY MORE OF THAT.

- GOD, THIS WOULD BESO MUCH MORE SATISFYING

IF THAT LAKE WASN'T THERE.

- CONNIE, STEVE,GO ROUND UP EVERY SICK,

GULLIBLE, EMOTIONALLY NEEDY,DUMBASS, LONELY LOSER

WITH A BANK ACCOUNT.

DENZEL, ETHEL, TAKE MALLOYUP THE MOUNTAIN TO SNOWBOARD.

STAT!

- SO, THAT'S IT?

YOU'RE GONNA EXPLOITTHIS LAKE?

- EXPLOIT THE LAKE AND HELPTHE SICK AND DISABLED.

IMAGINE WHAT THEY'LL DOWITH A NEW LEASE ON LIFE.

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