AND, YOU KNOW,SO I TRY TO HAVE GOOD NEWS
TO COME HOME WITH.
YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS IS COOL.
AND, YOU KNOW, BUT IT HASN'TBEEN GREAT GROWING UP.
I HAVEN'T BEEN THE BEST KID.
LIKE, SHOW OF HANDS.
WHO ELSE HERE HAS BEEN ARRESTEDFOR DRUNK DRIVING
WHILE WEARINGA KENNY ROGERS T-SHIRT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
JUST ME?
THAT [BLEEP] PERFECT STORMOF WHITE TRASH RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S --THAT'S A PERFECT STORM.
YOU KNOW?
LIKE, IF I GET FAMOUS,
I RUIN MY CHANCEFOR A COOL MUG SHOT, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, HAVE YOU SEENFRANK SINATRA'S MUG SHOT?
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.HE'S LIKE 19 YEARS OLD.
HE'S WEARING A TUXEDOHE EVIDENTLY WAS BORN IN
AND GREW INTO, YOU KNOW?
AND HE'S LOOKING AT THE CAMERALIKE, "I GOT PINCHED.
[BLEEP] IT."
IT'S AMAZING!
MINE, I'M LIKE, "UGH!"
KENNY ROGERSIS ON MY SHIRT LIKE, "HEY.
"GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM,KNOW WHEN TO CALL A CAB.
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?"YOU KNOW?
BUT NOT ALL D.U.I.sARE CREATED EQUAL.
I'LL SAY THAT.AND I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED.
I'M NOT BITTER.
LIKE, I WAS ALL OVER THE ROADLIKE [BLEEP] "FROGGER," OKAY?
I DESERVED IT, YOU KNOW?
BUT I WILL SAY THIS, OKAY?
I WAS ARRESTED IN 2002.
GEORGE W. BUSH WAS ARRESTEDFOR DRUNK DRIVING IN THE '70s.
YOU KNOW HOW DRUNK YOU HAVETO BE -- OR HAVE TO HAVE BEEN --
TO GET ARRESTEDIN THE [BLEEP] '70s?
YOU CAN HAVE LIKE A JOINTAND AN OPEN BOTTLE OF JACK.
LONG AS YOU PASS ITTO YOUR "BRO," YOU'RE COOL.
COP'S LIKE, "BUK-A BUK-A,YOU'RE COOL.
SEE YOU, MAN."
AWESOME. YOU KNOW?
GEORGE W. BUSH HAD TO HAVE BEENSO MESSED UP,
HE WAS STEERING WITH THE FORCEOF HIS OWN VOMIT PROJECTILE,
OKAY?
"[ As George W. Bush ]I GOT TO MAKE A LEFT.
"[ VOMITING ]
"NO, IT'S A RIGHT.
"[ VOMITING ]
"WHY'D I DRIVE A STICK SHIFT?
"[ VOMITING ]
"GET IT IN REVERSE.
[ VOMITING ]"
HAD TO HAVE BEEN.