AND, YOU KNOW,SO I TRY TO HAVE GOOD NEWS

TO COME HOME WITH.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS IS COOL.

AND, YOU KNOW, BUT IT HASN'TBEEN GREAT GROWING UP.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THE BEST KID.

LIKE, SHOW OF HANDS.

WHO ELSE HERE HAS BEEN ARRESTEDFOR DRUNK DRIVING

WHILE WEARINGA KENNY ROGERS T-SHIRT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

JUST ME?

THAT [BLEEP] PERFECT STORMOF WHITE TRASH RIGHT THERE.

THAT'S --THAT'S A PERFECT STORM.

YOU KNOW?

LIKE, IF I GET FAMOUS,

I RUIN MY CHANCEFOR A COOL MUG SHOT, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, HAVE YOU SEENFRANK SINATRA'S MUG SHOT?

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.HE'S LIKE 19 YEARS OLD.

HE'S WEARING A TUXEDOHE EVIDENTLY WAS BORN IN

AND GREW INTO, YOU KNOW?

AND HE'S LOOKING AT THE CAMERALIKE, "I GOT PINCHED.

[BLEEP] IT."

IT'S AMAZING!

MINE, I'M LIKE, "UGH!"

KENNY ROGERSIS ON MY SHIRT LIKE, "HEY.

"GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD 'EM,KNOW WHEN TO CALL A CAB.

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?"YOU KNOW?

BUT NOT ALL D.U.I.sARE CREATED EQUAL.

I'LL SAY THAT.AND I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED.

I'M NOT BITTER.

LIKE, I WAS ALL OVER THE ROADLIKE [BLEEP] "FROGGER," OKAY?

I DESERVED IT, YOU KNOW?

BUT I WILL SAY THIS, OKAY?

I WAS ARRESTED IN 2002.

GEORGE W. BUSH WAS ARRESTEDFOR DRUNK DRIVING IN THE '70s.

YOU KNOW HOW DRUNK YOU HAVETO BE -- OR HAVE TO HAVE BEEN --

TO GET ARRESTEDIN THE [BLEEP] '70s?

YOU CAN HAVE LIKE A JOINTAND AN OPEN BOTTLE OF JACK.

LONG AS YOU PASS ITTO YOUR "BRO," YOU'RE COOL.

COP'S LIKE, "BUK-A BUK-A,YOU'RE COOL.

SEE YOU, MAN."

AWESOME. YOU KNOW?

GEORGE W. BUSH HAD TO HAVE BEENSO MESSED UP,

HE WAS STEERING WITH THE FORCEOF HIS OWN VOMIT PROJECTILE,

OKAY?

"[ As George W. Bush ]I GOT TO MAKE A LEFT.

"[ VOMITING ]

"NO, IT'S A RIGHT.

"[ VOMITING ]

"WHY'D I DRIVE A STICK SHIFT?

"[ VOMITING ]

"GET IT IN REVERSE.

[ VOMITING ]"

HAD TO HAVE BEEN.