Kathleen Madigan - Bad Crack Whore

  • Season 1 , Ep 8
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 8,844

Kathleen Madigan would make a bad crack whore. (1:11)

(Kathleen Madigan)I LIKE CNN... I DO.

BECAUSE I DON'T USUALLYUNDERSTAND THE NEWSTHE FIRST TIME.

AND THEY'LL REPEATIT TO ME 484 TIMES.

I BET PEOPLE WITHALZHEIMER'S WATCH CNN

AND THINK THEY'RE GETTINGBETTER, YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE LIKE, OH!

I REMEMBER THAT.

NO, YOU DON'T.

THEY'RE JUST SAYINGIT EVERY FOUR ANDA HALF SECONDS.

THE WHETHER CHANNEL.

MY DAD LIKES THAT CHANNEL.

HE WATCHES THE WHETHERCHANNEL LIKE THERE IS

SOME SORT OFPLOT INVOLVED.

IT IS ASTONISHING WHATCAN ENTERTAIN HIM.

DON'T CHANGE THAT.

I'M TRACKING THAT STORM.

I DO NOT WATCH THEWHETHER CHANNEL

UNLESS THERE'S ANACTUAL DISASTER.

LIKE, I WAS IN D.C. FORTHE BIG BLIZZARD THEY HAD.

WHICH WAS HORRIFYING,'CAUSE I WENT TO BED

SATURDAY NIGHT--IT WASKIND OF SNOWING...

I WOKE UP SATURDAYMORNING, THERE WAS TWOAND A HALF FEET OF SNOW.

I'M LIKE, YOU KNOW,I'M ONLY FIVE FOOT TALL.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

BUT YOU KNOW WHO WAS OUTWORKING IN THE BLIZZARD?

THE CRACK WHORES.

SERIOUSLY.

I WENT WALKING AROUND, ANDPEOPLE DON'T THINK ABOUT

HOW HARD OF A JOB THAT IS.

I WOULD BE THE WORST CRACKWHORE IN THE COLD, EVER.

I'D BE LIKE, IT'S FREE.

JUST LET ME IN THE TRUCK.

I'M SO COLD.

I DON'T EVEN WANTCRACK ANYMORE.

JUST A CIGARETTE...

THAT'S ALL I WANT.

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