Demetri Martin - Magical Place

  • Season 8 , Ep 15
  • 03/18/2004
  • Views: 68,460

Take a magical journey to the shire where Demetri Martin's jokes come from. (4:39)

YOU KNOW, UM...

SOMETIMES AFTER SHOWS,

PEOPLE ASK ME HOW DO I COME UP

WITH MY JOKES.

WHERE DO I GET MY MATERIAL

FROM.

AND THAT'S A HARD QUESTION

TO ANSWER.

YOU KNOW IT'S A PROCESS.

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND I

WANTED TO TRY TO ANSWER THAT

QUESTION TONIGHT, THE BEST

I COULD.

SO, HERE'S MY ATTEMPT.

SO, HERE WE GO.

♪ [GUITAR PLAYS]

SEE MY JOKES COME FROM A

MAGICAL PLACE.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LOCATED IN MY HEAD

A FOREST FULL OF CREATURES,

MANY OF THEM CREATED AT MY

LAST TEMP JOB.

THE FOREST STARTED TO GROW,

AND AS A CHILD, I DISCOVERED

THAT I SUCK AT SPORTS.

WELCOME.

♪ [FLUTE MUSIC PLAYS]

TO THE PLACE WHERE MY JOKES

COME FROM.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A MAGICAL SHIRE IN MY

SUBCONSCIOUS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THERE ARE MANY CREATURES

WHO ARE VERY HELPFUL.

THERE'S A DRAGON WHO IS VERY

ENCOURAGING.

HE FLIES AROUND AND TELLS ME

TO KEEP TRYING, EVEN IF I'M

NOT THAT FUNNY.

AND THERE ARE OTHER CHARACTERS

WHO ACTUALLY GIVE ME MY JOKES,

LIKE A WIZARD WHO MUCH LIKE ME

DROPPED OUT OF LAW SCHOOL

AND IN HIGH SCHOOL DID NOT

GET LAID.

WHEN YOU HAVE A FAT FRIEND--

WHEN YOU HAVE A FAT FRIEND,

THERE ARE NO SEESAWS,

ONLY CATAPULTS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THERE'S ALSO A BEAST, A BEAST

OF STRANGE DIMENSIONS.

HE HAS THE HEAD OF A HORSE

AND THEN THE BODY OF A MAN

WHO NEEDS A LOT OF ATTENTION.

HE REPRESENTS ME IN COLLEGE.

I WAS A DORKATORE.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS IN A CARD STORE,

AND THEY HAD CARDS THAT SAID,

"GET WELL SOON."

[BLEEP] THAT.

GET WELL NOW.

THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE MY

JOKES COME FROM, WHERE MY

TEACHERS ARE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ [FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING]

NESTLED IN A VERY SPECIAL

LITTLE CORNER OF THE FOREST

IS A DELICATE FAIRY WHO BRINGS

ME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL,

GENTLE JOKES AND DANCES WITH

THE GRACE--

[LAUGHTER

AND SHE THIS JUST SAY "DEMETRI

SUCKS."

HE IS A FAIRY.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

AND DEEP-- DEEP IN THE FOREST,

DEEP IN THE DARKNESS OF THE

WOODS, THERE ARE TWO CREATURES

WHO ROAM WHO I KNOW VERY WELL,

MY MOM AND MY GRANDMA.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE FOREST AND NOW

THAT YOU GUYS ARE HERE,

I JUST WANTED TO SAY, "LOOK,

YOU KNOW, I DROPPED OUT OF

SCHOOL AND I'M NOT GOING BACK.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M NOT GOING TO BE A LAWYER.

I'M A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN.

YOU KNOW I'M FOLLOWING

MY HEART.

THIS IS MY DREAM."

AND YOU KNOW, ALSO I WAS JUST

WONDERING IF I COULD BORROW

20 BUCKS, JUST SO I COULD

GET HOME.

THANKS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE

MY JOKES COME FROM.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO WHERE

MY JOKES COME FROM.

♪♪

AND HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

COMEDY CENTRAL.

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