Lenny Clarke - Experimenting with Drugs

  • Season 6 , Ep 5
  • 05/19/2002
  • Views: 3,611

Lenny Clarke tried cocaine once -- for, like, nine years. (1:53)

BECAUSE I DON'T DO DRUGS.

I MEAN, I DID COCAINE ONCE....

FOR LIKE NINE YEARS, BUT...

(LAUGHTER)

BUT I ONLY DID IT TO LEARN

THE METRIC SYSTEM.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU GET THE GRAM, THE HALF-GRAM,

THE KILOGRAM.

BUT I DID THAT TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I TRIED COCAINE TO LOSE WEIGHT.

JUST MADE ME EAT FASTER.

(LAUGHTER)

I DON'T DO DRUGS.

NOT ANYMORE.

NONE AT ALL.

I DON'T.

BUT IF I DID, THERE' S ONE DRUG

THAT I LOVE--

SEE, YOU'RE A YOUNG CROWD.

AND THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S HIP,

YOU KNOW, I'M OLD AND

EVERYTHING.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

THERE WAS A DRUG BACK WHEN I WAS

A KID CALLED BLACK BEAUTIES.

NOW, THESE WERE FAVORED

BY MIDDLE-AGED HOUSEWIVES.

AND YOU SAY, "WHY THE HELL WOULD

YOU WANT A DRUG THAT MIDDLE-AGED

HOUSEWIVES"--

IT WAS WILD!

I MEAN, MY MOTHER USED TO TAKE

BLACK BEAUTIES AND SHE'D START

CLEANING.

OH, IT WOULD START SIMPLE LIKE

A WINDOW HERE A WINDOW THERE,

MAYBE WASH A LOAD OF CLOTHES.

TWO HOURS LATER SHE'S GOT THE

WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD EVERY WINDOW

IN THE HOUSE.

I TOOK ONE OF HER PILLS ONCE

AND I WENT OUT TO GET THE MILK

AND I ENDED UP IN

FT. LAUDERDALE.

(LAUGHTER)

WALKING.

NOW...

TO ME YOU DON'T REALLY NEED

DRUGS.

'CAUSE I THINK PEOPLE TAKE DRUGS

TO LIKE ONE ANOTHER OR TO GET

TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL GOOD.

AND YOU DON'T NEED THAT.

YOU PEOPLE ARE NICE ENOUGH

YOURSELF.

I MEAN, WHENEVER I GET A REALLY

BAD DAY, I DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON

OTHER PEOPLE.

WHAT I DO IS I GET A BOTTLE OF

WHISKEY, A GOOD CIGAR, GO TO A

CEMETERY, WALK AROUND SMOKING

AND DRINKING, I SAY, "WHAT THE

HELL, I'M DOING BETTER THAN

EVERYBODY HERE."

(LAUGHTER INTO APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

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