THE WORLD, FOLKS.
I'VE BEEN TO KENTUCKY.
[LAUGHTER]
FLEW IN.
FIRST GUY I TALKED TO, I SAID,
"VERY NICE HERE IN LOUISVILLE."
HE GOES, "IT'S LOUISVILLE,
WHERE YOU FROM?"
I GO "FLORIRA-RA."
[LAUGHTER]
HE SAID, "WHAT PART?"
I SAID, "FORT LARARA."
[LAUGHTER]
WHY DON'T YOU SOUND IT OUT,
YOU COUNTRY ASS?
[LAUGHTER]
I SAID THAT PART TO MYSELF...
[LAUGHTER]
'CAUSE I'M FRAGILE.
I HAVE MY OWN STYLE OF MARSHAL
ARTS.
IT'S CALLED "DAT'S OKAY-DO."
[LAUGHTER]
I'VE BEEN TO EL PASO, TEXAS.
SO DUSTY THERE.
MY SINUSES WERE OVERLOADED.
I THINK EL PASO MEANS
[SNORTS] IN SPANISH.
I DON'T KNOW.
"WHERE YA FROM?"
"[SNORTS]"
[LAUGHTER]
"WHAT PART?"
"[SNORTS]"
"OKAY."
YOU KNOW?
[LAUGHTER]
I'VE BEEN TO BATON ROUGE,
LOUISIANA.
REPRESENTATION?
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
I WILL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, GUYS.
BATON ROUGE HAS, HANDS DOWN THE
HOTTEST, SWEETEST, YOUNGEST
WOMEN WITH FOUR KIDS, ANYWHERE
IN THE COUNTRY.
I'M NOT KIDDING YOU.
I DON'T KNOW I SAY HANDS DOWN,
LIKE HALF YOU ARE GOIN',
"OH, WHAT ABOUT MISSISSIPPI?"
HANDS DOWN.
[LAUGHTER]
I'VE BEEN TO SAN FRANCISCO,
IT'S SO GREAT.
THERE'S A STREET CALLED POLK
STREET AND A STREET CALLED
BUSH STREET.
THEY INTERSECT, AND ON THE
CORNER IS A PORN STORE.
I KID YOU NOT.
A PORN STORE ON THE CORNER
OF POLK AND BUSH.
NOW--
[LAUGHTER]
RIGHT NEXT TO IN AND OUT BURGER.
IS THAT COINCIDENCE, OR IS THERE
AN AGENDA?
[LAUGHTER]
IN TULSA, OKLAHOMA, YOU CAN'T
RENT HARDCORE PORN.
YOU CAN ONLY RENT SOFT-CORE
PORN.
THAT'S LEGAL, BUT HARDCORE
IS ILLEGAL.
I DON'T GET THE LOGIC.
I GUESS WHAT THE LAWMAKERS
ARE SAYING IS IT'S OKAY TO WALK
IN ON SOMEBODY HAVING SEX,
"HEY, WHAT THE HELL?
ALL RIGHT.
STAY BACK OVER THERE, SON."
BUT YOU CAN'T WALK AROUND
AND SEE THE ACTIVITY.
"WHAT ARE YA DOIN', BOY!
GET BACK BEHIND ME!
IT'S TULSA, SON!
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S MORE CHRISTIAN THIS WAY!"
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
I LIVE NEAR VAN NUYS,
CALIFORNIA, WHICH IS THE
PORN CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.
THEY MAKE A LOT OF THE PORN
THERE.
YOU MAY RECOGNIZE THE NAME, SIR.
[LAUGHTER]
IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
I WAS IN A RESTAURANT HAVING
BREAKFAST AND SURE ENOUGH
THERE'S A POPULAR PORN STAR
IN THE SAME RESTAURANT HAVING
BREAKFAST WITH ME.
AND IT WAS VERY STRANGE BECAUSE
FOR SOME REASON, I THOUGHT SHE
MIGHT RECOGNIZE ME.
[LAUGHTER]
IT WAS WEIRD.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
OR-- YOU KNOW, IF YOU SAY
ANYTHING.
SO I JUST WALKED OVER TO HER AND
WENT, "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"
[LAUGHTER]<Ñ