Robert Hawkins - World Traveler

  • Season 7 , Ep 20
  • 07/03/2003
  • Views: 1,965

In Spanish, "el" is the sound you make when your sinuses act up. (2:58)

THE WORLD, FOLKS.

I'VE BEEN TO KENTUCKY.

[LAUGHTER]

FLEW IN.

FIRST GUY I TALKED TO, I SAID,

"VERY NICE HERE IN LOUISVILLE."

HE GOES, "IT'S LOUISVILLE,

WHERE YOU FROM?"

I GO "FLORIRA-RA."

[LAUGHTER]

HE SAID, "WHAT PART?"

I SAID, "FORT LARARA."

[LAUGHTER]

WHY DON'T YOU SOUND IT OUT,

YOU COUNTRY ASS?

[LAUGHTER]

I SAID THAT PART TO MYSELF...

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE I'M FRAGILE.

I HAVE MY OWN STYLE OF MARSHAL

ARTS.

IT'S CALLED "DAT'S OKAY-DO."

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE BEEN TO EL PASO, TEXAS.

SO DUSTY THERE.

MY SINUSES WERE OVERLOADED.

I THINK EL PASO MEANS

[SNORTS] IN SPANISH.

I DON'T KNOW.

"WHERE YA FROM?"

"[SNORTS]"

[LAUGHTER]

"WHAT PART?"

"[SNORTS]"

"OKAY."

YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE BEEN TO BATON ROUGE,

LOUISIANA.

REPRESENTATION?

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

I WILL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, GUYS.

BATON ROUGE HAS, HANDS DOWN THE

HOTTEST, SWEETEST, YOUNGEST

WOMEN WITH FOUR KIDS, ANYWHERE

IN THE COUNTRY.

I'M NOT KIDDING YOU.

I DON'T KNOW I SAY HANDS DOWN,

LIKE HALF YOU ARE GOIN',

"OH, WHAT ABOUT MISSISSIPPI?"

HANDS DOWN.

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE BEEN TO SAN FRANCISCO,

IT'S SO GREAT.

THERE'S A STREET CALLED POLK

STREET AND A STREET CALLED

BUSH STREET.

THEY INTERSECT, AND ON THE

CORNER IS A PORN STORE.

I KID YOU NOT.

A PORN STORE ON THE CORNER

OF POLK AND BUSH.

NOW--

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT NEXT TO IN AND OUT BURGER.

IS THAT COINCIDENCE, OR IS THERE

AN AGENDA?

[LAUGHTER]

IN TULSA, OKLAHOMA, YOU CAN'T

RENT HARDCORE PORN.

YOU CAN ONLY RENT SOFT-CORE

PORN.

THAT'S LEGAL, BUT HARDCORE

IS ILLEGAL.

I DON'T GET THE LOGIC.

I GUESS WHAT THE LAWMAKERS

ARE SAYING IS IT'S OKAY TO WALK

IN ON SOMEBODY HAVING SEX,

"HEY, WHAT THE HELL?

ALL RIGHT.

STAY BACK OVER THERE, SON."

BUT YOU CAN'T WALK AROUND

AND SEE THE ACTIVITY.

"WHAT ARE YA DOIN', BOY!

GET BACK BEHIND ME!

IT'S TULSA, SON!

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S MORE CHRISTIAN THIS WAY!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I LIVE NEAR VAN NUYS,

CALIFORNIA, WHICH IS THE

PORN CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.

THEY MAKE A LOT OF THE PORN

THERE.

YOU MAY RECOGNIZE THE NAME, SIR.

[LAUGHTER]

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

I WAS IN A RESTAURANT HAVING

BREAKFAST AND SURE ENOUGH

THERE'S A POPULAR PORN STAR

IN THE SAME RESTAURANT HAVING

BREAKFAST WITH ME.

AND IT WAS VERY STRANGE BECAUSE

FOR SOME REASON, I THOUGHT SHE

MIGHT RECOGNIZE ME.

[LAUGHTER]

IT WAS WEIRD.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

OR-- YOU KNOW, IF YOU SAY

ANYTHING.

SO I JUST WALKED OVER TO HER AND

WENT, "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"

[LAUGHTER]<Ñ

Loading...