I've been writing all of my stand-up
on these giant, poster-sizedpost-it notes.
They're, like, big, and so,uh,
when you come into the firstroom of my apartment,
it is literally covered in mywriting.
And my friend Albertinacame over the other dayand she was like...
"you can't bring a womanback here because
you look like the Uni-bomber."
And I was like, "theseare all funny jokes!"
And she said, "it just sayshere,
'do bad decisionsexist' question mark."
And I was like, "that'sa funny joke."
And she's like, "that's a[bleep] crazy person thought."
But this was her idea.
She said, "what you should do isyou should write on your wall
'List of People I Need ToKill' and then have,
"like, eight names with thefirst one crossed off."
I was like, "that is funny."
So I did that and then I thoughtit would be even funnier
if the last namejust said "random."
So then flash-forward, like,three months and I have finally
convinced a young lady tocome back to my apartment
with me and as I'm putting thekey in the door, I remember
that I have a list of peopleI need to kill on my wall
that needs some explaining.
The door opens, she sees it,she freezes.
I kind of go into repairmode.
I'm like, "uh, I'm acomedian, this is a joke."
And I calm her down... but thenI just can't help myself.
And I slowly crossoff "random."