Extended - Chuck Tingle: An Uncomfortably Close Look - Uncensored

Extended - Thursday, November 17, 2016 - Uncensored 11/17/2016 Views: 813

Chris enlists Willam Belli, Justin Martindale and Bridget Everett to help him uncover the identity of mysterious erotic novelist Chuck Tingle. (5:53)

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NOW... WE ARE GOING TO TAKE ANUNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE LOOK AT A

BEFUDDLING ONLINE TREND, IN ASEGMENT WE CALL, @MIDNIGHT DEEP

DIVE.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)THE INTERNET, IT HAS SOMETHING

FOR EVERYONE... TO MASTURBATETO.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> HARDWICK: NOWHERE IS THISMORE TRUE THAN ON AMAZON, WHERE

AMAZONIAN AUTHORS PRODUCEDIGITAL STORIES, WHERE HUMANS

GET IT ON WITH DINOS, GRYPHONS,AND ALL MANNER OF BEASTIE, BOTH

HISTORICAL AND MYTHICAL.

>> AW.

>> HARDWICK: BUT THE MASTER OFTHE GENRE IS A MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

NAMED CHUCK TINGLE, WHO, SINCE2014, HAS WRITTEN OVER 80

MICRO-NOVELS WITH TITLES LIKE,SPACE RAPTOR BUTT INVASION,

OR CREAMED IN THE BUTT BY MYHANDSOME LIVING CORN.

(LAUGHTER)>> I'M LISTENING.

>> YES, ME, TOO.

>> HARDWICK: AND MY FAVORITE,HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FRANKENSTEIN,

NOW POUND MY BUTT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)THAT'S NOT FRANKENSTEIN.

THAT JUST LOOKS LIKE '70'S HULK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

COMEDIANS, WHAT IS A LINE THATYOU MIGHT READ IN THIS AMAZING

EROTIC HORROR TALE?

WILLAM.

>> FUCK ME SO HARD GENE WILDERCOULD FEEL IT.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)UH, BRIDGET.

>> FIRE, BAD!

PAYING ATTENTION TO BALLS, GOOD!

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK (LAUGHING): POINTS.

JUST... JUSTIN.

>> IT'S THAT SHOW, IT'S THATSHOW.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S THAT SHOW.

THAT'S FINE.

>> UH, FRANKENSTEIN VIOLENTLYRIPPED OFF HIS OWN HEAD SO HE

COULD EASILY SUCK HIS OWN DICK.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IF YOUHAVE A REMOVABLE HEAD.

>> I MEAN! I MEAN!

>> HARDWICK: AND NOW THERECLUSIVE MR. TINGLE IS

INCREDIBLY PROLIFIC, CHURNINGOUT SUPER...

>> DAD!

>> HARDWICK: THERE HE IS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)THERE HE IS.

(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)BUT WHO IS CHUCK TINGLE?

NO ONE KNOWS AND IT'S DRIVING MEFUCKING BANANAS.

I HAVE COMBED HIS BOOKS FORCLUES, FOR RESEARCH.

I'VE HAD...

(LAUGHTER)I'VE HAD MY ENTIRE STAFF HERE

SCOUR THE INTERNET.

I EVEN WENT TO THE PET STORE ANDSHOVED A GECKO UP MY BUTT,

HOPING HE'D APPEAR, BUT THE ONLYTHING THAT HAPPENED...

BUT THE ONLY THING THATHAPPENED WAS THAT I COULD NOT

STOP EJACULATING AND I SAVED 15%OR MORE ON MY CAR INSURANCE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)HERE'S WHAT WE DO KNOW:

HIS NAME IS MOST LIKELY APSEUDONYM.

HIS AUTHOR PHOTO IS SOME KIND OFSTOCK PHOTO FROM A STOCK PHOTO

SITE.

(COMEDIANS EXCLAIMING)SO COMEDIANS, WHAT'S A TITLE FOR

A POWERPOINT PRESENTATION THATMIGHT USE THESE STOCK PHOTOS?

BRIDGET.

>> OH, THAT LOOKS LIKE LIFEAFTER YOUR WIFE TAKES THE KIDS

AWAY.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

UH, WILLAM.

>> TAE KWON NO THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

JUSTIN.

>> DYING ALONE AND HOW TO DO IT.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

SO... THE EAGLE-EYED TINGLEDETECTIVE WILL FIND SOME CLUES

ON HIS YOUTUBE CHANNELS.

SO LET'S TAKE A STILL FROM THETRAILER FOR HIS BOOK,

BUTTCEPTION, OF COURSE, THATBOOK WE LOVE, WHICH...

>> YOU MEAN THERE'S MORE?

>> HARDWICK: THERE'S A LOT MORE,JUSTIN.

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.

SO BUTTCEPTION FEATURES A HOUSEWITH THE ADDRESS 703.

I'M SURE YOU GUYS REMEMBER, 703.

SO HERE'S WHERE IT GETS WEIRD.

LISTEN, LISTEN. THIS IS SERIOUS.

>> HERE'S WHERE IT GETS WEIRD.

>> HARDWICK: HERE'S WHERE ITGETS WEIRD.

>> THE HOUSE, THE HOUSE.

>> HARDWICK: THIS IS THE WEIRDPART.

>> I'M LISTENING.

>> HARDWICK: CHUCK HAS TROLLEDMEN'S RIGHTS ACTIVIST VOX DAY,

WHO ONCE APPEARED ON THE PODCASTTHE TOM WOODS SHOW, EPISODE 703.

ALL RIGHT?

IN HIS VIDEOS, TINGLE ALSO WEARSA BAG ON HIS HEAD, JUST LIKE THE

PERFORMANCE ART PIECE BY SHIALABEOUF, WHO IS OFTEN LUSTED

AFTER ON TWITTER BY@MARYJANE703, WHO LIVES WHERE?

IN ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA, AREACODE 7-0 FUCKING 3.

>> OH!

>> HARDWICK: THERE IS MORE.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

SCOOP YOUR BRAINS BACK INTO YOURHEADS, BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA NEED

THEM TO PROCESS THIS SHIT.

IF THAT DOESN'T BLOW YOUR MINDS,OF THE 703 PEOPLE WATCHING THIS

SHOW, THEN HOW ABOUT THIS?

IN THE 50TH EDITION OF THECATHOLIC UNIVERSITY LAW REVIEW,

WE FOUND A CASE THAT HAS TO DOON SODOMY ON PAGE 703.

THE NAME OF THAT CASE?

BOWERS VERSUS HARDWICK.

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

I'M IN THIS, TOO.

(LAUGHTER)FIRST OF ALL, I WAS INNOCENT.

SECOND OF ALL, THE ONLYEXPLANATION THAT I HAVE, UH, IS

TO BE THE SUBJECT OF HIS NEXTBOOK.

SO COMEDIANS, WHAT SHOULD BE THENAME OF MY TINGLE STORY?

WILLAM.

>> JINGLED OUT BY SINGLED OUT,PART TWO.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)VERY GOOD-- BRIDGET.

>> UH, TINGLE ME ELMO, CHRISHARDWICK GETS SOFT.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

>> (AS ELMO): SOMEBODY MUST'VEGOTTEN IN COLD WATER.

UH, JUSTIN.

>> ACTION FIGURES I'VE SAT ON,ON PURPOSE.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

POINTS.

UH, SO YOU CAN SEE I'M VERYPASSIONATE ABOUT THIS, SO I

WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO CHUCK,HIMSELF.

CHUCK... CHUCK, IF YOU'RE OUTTHERE, I ADMIRE YOUR PROLIFIC

NATURE, UH, AND INSANECREATIVITY.

AND I WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORETHAN TO BE THE SUBJECT OF ONE OF

YOUR EROTIC YARNS THAT YOU SPINON THE AMAZON.

IN FACT, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU AFUCKING COVER IMAGE TO START THE

PROCESS.

CAN WE SET THE MOOD?

DISCO BALL, ALL RIGHT?

I NEED SOME...

(WHOOPING)I NEED SOME DINO-HUNKS.

CAN I GET SOME DINO-HUNKS INHERE, PLEASE?

I'D LIKE SOME DINO-HUNKS.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)♪

>> THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: YES, VERY GOOD.

(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)THIS IS FOR YOU, CHUCK.

THIS SHOULD GET YOUR CREATIVEJUICES FLOWING.

PUT ME ON YOUR BOOK.

GO WRITE YOUR MASTERPIECE.

GUYS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TWEETCHUCK TINGLE.

ALL RIGHT, TWEET CHUCK TINGLE,AND TELL HIM CHRIS HARDWICK, BE

VERY SPECIFIC, CHRIS HARDWICKDESERVES TO HAVE HIS BUTT

POUNDED BY SOME WEIRD CREATURE,OR OBJECT.

MAKE IT HAPPEN.