Jon Lajoie - If I Had Wings

  • Season 14 , Ep 6
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 19,687

Jon Lajoie would like to have all of Superman's powers so he could look at girls taking showers. (4:02)

I BOUGHT A CAR --I BOUGHT A CAR LAST WEEK.

UM, WELL, BY "BOUGHT,"I MEAN "POISONED,"

AND BY "CAR,"I MEAN "MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG."

[ LAUGHTER ]

DON'T THINK ABOUT IT TOO MUCH.IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

THIS NEXT SONG IS NOT SO FUNNY.I APOLOGIZE.

I WROTE IT WHEN I WAS IN,LIKE, A SERIOUS BAND,

AND WE WERE PRETTY DEEPAND STUFF, SO I APOLOGIZE.

I'M JUST TRYING TO SNEAK IT INTOMY SET HERE.

HERE WE GO.

[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

JOHN LENNON IMAGINED A WORLDFILLED WITH PEACE AND LOVE.

MARTIN LUTHER KINGDREAMT OF A WORLD

FREE FROM RACIAL DISCRIMINATIONAND OPPRESSION.

THE GUY WHO INVENTED THE FRISBEEDREAMT OF A WORLD

WHERE PEOPLE WOULD THROW A FLAT,CIRCULAR OBJECT AT EACH OTHER

IN ORDER TO PASS THE TIME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE SUCCEEDED.

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THIS IS A SONG ABOUT MY DREAMS,MY WHAT-IFS.

IT'S CALLED "IF I HAD WINGS."

♪ IF I HAD WINGS,I'D FLY AWAY FROM HERE ♪

♪ BUT WHEREVER I'D LAND

♪ THE PEOPLE WOULD THINKTHAT I WAS WEIRD ♪

♪ THEY'D BE LIKE,"WHY DO YOU HAVE WINGS? ♪

♪ DID YOUR MOM HAVE SEXWITH A BIRD OR SOMETHING?" ♪

♪ IF I HAD ONE WISH,I'D WISH FOR A THOUSAND MORE ♪

♪ BUT THAT'D PROBABLY BEAGAINST THE RULES ♪

♪ SO I'D HAVE TO THINKSOME MORE ♪

♪ THEN I'D WISH FORALL OF SUPERMAN'S POWERS ♪

♪ SO I COULD FLY AROUND,SEE THROUGH WALLS ♪

♪ AND LOOK AT GIRLSTAKING SHOWERS ♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ IF I RULED THE WORLD,IT WOULD PROBABLY FALL APART ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M NOTA VERY ORGANIZED PERSON ♪

♪ AND I'M NOT REALLYALL THAT SMART ♪

♪ I'D JUST SIT AROUNDGETTING DRUNK ALL DAY ♪

♪ BEING LIKE, "WHO THE HELLPUT ME IN CHARGE HERE ANYWAY?" ♪

♪ AND IF I COULD ASK GODONE QUESTION ♪

♪ I'D ASK HIM,WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE? ♪

♪ AND HE'D PROBABLY ANSWER,"I CAN TELL YOU ♪

♪ BUT THEN I'M GONNA HAVETO KILL YOU" ♪

♪ AND I'D JUST SAY,"NEVER MIND" ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ "I'M NOT THAT CURIOUS

♪ SO PLEASE DON'T TELL ME,AND PLEASE DON'T KILL ME" ♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS,HOW WOULD I SPEND IT? ♪

♪ I'D THINK OF GIVING ITTO THE POOR ♪

♪ BUT THEN I'D SAY [BLEEP]THAT [BLEEP] ♪

♪ AND I'D GO BUY A REALEXPENSIVE, PIMPED-OUT RIDE ♪

♪ AND BE LIKE, "YO, BITCH,CHECK OUT THE RIMS ON MY RIDE ♪

♪ GET IN THE BACK SEAT, ANDI'LL [BLEEP] YOU FROM BEHIND" ♪

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ IF I HAD WINGS,I'D FLY HIGH IN THE SKY ♪

♪ BUT I WOULD BEA WEIRD-LOOKING HALF-BIRD GUY ♪

♪ A REGULAR, EVERYDAY,HALF-BIRD GUY ♪

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THANK YOU.

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