I'm now at the stage wherecold Jell-O on a silver filling
can make me look likea Picasso painting.
So much fear ofthe dentist, too.
Because you go the dentistnow, and because of disease,
they are in full Chernobyl gear.
You walk in, they got doublegloves, face masks, goggles,
helmet, stocking over helmet,bag over the stocking.
This is just the receptionist.
The dentist hits you with air.
[mimics suction sound]
-Does that hurt?
No, does that hurt?
Why don't you stick mein the eye with a pin
while you're at it?
The thing I reallyhate about getting old
is I can't take off the weightwhen I put it on anymore.
I think guys know they'regetting heavy when you drive
over a speed bumpand your tits shake.
So I tell my dad this.
My dad sends me the "NationalEnquirer" diet to lose weight.
This is where you substitute onemeal a day with four Slim Jims.
You ever read the ingredientson the package of a Slim Jim?
You know, it's 45% beef lips.
You open thepackage, the product
goes, "Please don't eat me."
Meanwhile, there's a herd ofcows somewhere going, mm-- moo.
Enjoyed being with you.
[cheering and applause]