Brian Regan - Flying

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 1 06/09/2007 Views: 27,651

Pilots need to stop caring so much about what the air-traffic control tower has to say. (3:11)

Backed awayfrom the gate on time.Just sat there for a half hour.

Nothin' you can do.Ever wanna knock on the doorup there?

[ Imitates Knocking ]"Um,

"why don't we all headwhere we're goin'?

That's what we're alltalkin' about back here."

But you don't do that.You just sit therelike a goober.

After a half hour,the captain finally gets on.

[ Groans ]

"Ohh, folks--

Lemme tell youwhat's goin' on up here."

Oh, I hope it's good!

Has that everfollowed with anythingeven remotely good?

"Lemme tell youwhat's goin' on up here.

"Uh, we found a bigbag of money onboard,

"and, uh, the tower hasinstructed us to divvy itamongst all you passengers.

"We apologizefor the delay.

"The problem is, each individualstack is getting so high,they keep toppling over.

"And, uh, the rubber bandswe've been using keep snappingon the size of these bundles.

Apologies from the flight--"[ Gibberish ]

It's never that.It's never that.

It's always, "Uh, somebodyput our engine in upside-down.

"And, uh, there's onlyone tool in our galaxythat can fix this.

"And, uh,it's in Madagascar.

"The tower has instructed usto go to a holding area...

and remain there until everyoneon board dies a natural death."

So you go thereand die.

They always listento the tower.

They never questionthe authority of the tower.

"Well, the tower'stellin' us to hold."

Well, so-so what about that?

Just once, I wanna hear,"The tower's tellin' usto hold, but, uh,

"you might noticeI'm rumblin' along the grass.

"If you look out the right,you'll see all those aircraftlined up on the runway.

Uh, the tower keeps tellin' uswe're number 19 for takeoff.I say we're number one."

How would you like that?

[ Chuckles ]Right?

What's the towergonna do?"Hey, you!

You can't exhibitthat type of behavior!"

"You're right.I shouldn't have done that."

[ Laughs ]"No, I should'velistened better.

If you need me,I'll be up in the clouds."

I'm not sure what this was.Okay.

[ Chuckles ]Okay. I'm not surewhat I'm dodging as I'm--

Okay. Wow."He must be a pilotto know that move."