Greg Giraldo - Finding a Soul Mate

  • Season 3, Ep 10
  • 08/08/2000
  • Views: 5,328

Greg Giraldo is impressed that Siegfried and Roy found each other. (1:56)

IT'S NOT EASY TO FINDTHE ONE PERSON OUT THERE

YOU'RE MEANT TO SPENDTHE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH.

I DIDN'T USED TO BELIEVE THAT

TILL I SAW SIEGFRIED AND ROY.

YOU GOT A GAY LION TAMER

WHO HOOKED UPWITH ANOTHER GAY LION TAMER.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THATHAPPENING, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

TALK ABOUT HOLDING OUTFOR MR. RIGHT.

MY WIFE AND I,WE'RE VERY, VERY DIFFERENT.

WE LOVE EACH OTHER,

BUT WE FIGHT CONSTANTLYBECAUSE WE'RE VERY DIFFERENT.

I'M A SLOB;SHE'S A BITCH,

SO THE COMBINATION IS BAD.

WE FIGHT CONSTANTLY.

WE GET IN SO MANY FIGHTSABOUT ME BEING A SLOB,

IT'S GETTING TO THE POINTTHAT WHEN I MASTURBATE,

I FANTASIZE ABOUT HAVINGMY OWN APARTMENT.

I USED TO THINKABOUT CINDY CRAWFORD.

NOW I THINK ABOUT LEAVING DISHESIN THE SINK OVERNIGHT

WITHOUT A WAR BREAKING OUT,

LIKE, "I'M GOING TO LEAVETHE TOILET SEAT UP ALL NIGHT."

WE USED TO GET IN FIGHTSBECAUSE I WAS AN IDIOT.

I CAME HOME DRUNK ONE TIMEON MY MOTORCYCLE.

I HAD TO PRETENDI WASN'T DRUNK.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, BECAUSEWE HAD ONE OF THOSE LOFT BEDS.

I HAD TO CLIMB UP IN THISLOFT BED AND PRETEND I'M SOBER.

SHE COULD SEERIGHT THROUGH IT

BECAUSE I'M TALKING TOO LOUDAND I'M SLURRING,

STILL WEARING MY HELMET,

LAYING IN BED BUCK-ASS NAKED

WITH A BIG FULL-FACE HELMETON MY HEAD.

"I AIN'T DRUNK, HONEY.

I THOUGHT WE COULD PLAYALIEN SPACE FANTASY GUY."

THE LONGERYOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP,

IT'S JUST HARDTO SUSTAIN THAT ENERGY, RIGHT?

LOOK AT TITANIC.

EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT WASTHE MOST ROMANTIC MOVIE.

IT WASABOUT TWO TEENAGERS

THAT KNEW EACH OTHERFOR TWO DAYS.

THEY SHOULD'VE DONE IT

ABOUT A COUPLE THAT HAD BEENTOGETHER FOR A FEW YEARS.

LET'S SEE HOW ROMANTICTHEY WOULD'VE STAYED.

"GET IN THE [bleep]DAMN BOAT, ROSE."

"I DON'T WANT TO."

"GET IN THE BOAT.

"I'M FREEZING MY ASS OFFOUT HERE.

"I WANTED TO GO TO JAMAICA,BUT NO.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAMAICA.

I WANT TO TAKE A CRUISE IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER."

"YOU NEVER DRAW ME NAKED ANYMORE."

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