DL Hughley - My Job

Novak, Rawlings, Lawless, Liberman Season 7, Ep 705 12/26/2003 Views: 6,226

DL Hughley loves his job. (1:42)

DON'T LIKE THEIR JOB.

EVERYBODY...

LIKE, THE JOB AIN'T SO BAD,

IT'S THE PEOPLE THAT YOU WORK

WITH.

THE WORST DAY OF MY JOB

IS BETTER THAN THE BEST DAY

OF MOST.

BUT MY FATHER, MAN, I REMEMBER,

I CALLED HIM AT WORK, TOLD HIM

I HAD A TV SHOW...

HE QUIT HIS JOB THAT DAY.

DADDY I GOT A TV SHOW.

"WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ME.

DAMN Y'ALL."

[LAUGHTER]

I SAID, AH, "WHO GONNA PAY YOUR

BILLS?"

"YOU."

[LAUGHTER]

IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD BUT HE

WANTED THE SAME STUFF I GET.

I GET A NEW CAR...

"SAY, SON, WHEN AM I GONNA GET

A NEW CAR?"

"WHEN YOU LEARN HOW TO TELL SOME

(BLEEP)-DAMN JOKES.

THAT'S WHEN YOU WILL GET

A NEW CAR.

[LAUGHTER]

"NEVER BUY ME NOTHIN'.

CALLED ME LAST WEEK,

"MY DIABETES ACTING UP,

THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S GONNA BE

$100,000 TO SAVE MY LEG."

I'M LIKE "DADDY, YOU DONE WALK

ENOUGH.

YOU DONE HAVE TWO LEGS FOR

70 YEARS, YOU CAN HOP THEM

LAST TEN ON ONE LEG.

YOU JUST SELFISH, THAT'S YOUR

DAMN PROBLEM, YOU SELFISH.

[LAUGHTER]

MY SON, I LOVE A LOT BUT I THINK

SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.

ANYBODY GOT A SON AT HOME

YOU PRETTY SURE SOMETHING WRONG

WITH HIM?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET HIM TESTED

'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT THAT

LITTLE SQUARE BUS PULLING

UP FRONT OF YOUR DAMN HOUSE,

SO YOU JUST KIND OF DEAL WITH

IT.

[LAUGHTER]

AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM,

HE JUST DIFFERENT.

NO, HE DIFFERENT AS HELL,

THAT'S WHAT THE HELL HE IS.

SEE THAT'S WHAT IT IS,

WHITE FOLK, Y'ALL GOT SOMEBODY

WHO'S KIND OF SLOW, Y'ALL SENT

'EM TO A SPECIAL SCHOOL.

BLACK FOLK WON'T EVEN ADMIT

THEIR CHILD GOT NO PROBLEM.

"GET YO' CRAZY ASS IN THIS

HOUSE!

AIN'T (BLEEP) WRONG WITH THAT

BOY.

HE ALWAYS WEARS A FOOTBALL

HELMET AND COWBOY BOOTS.

GET YO' CRAZY ASS IN THIS

HOUSE!"

YOU KNOW HE CRAZY, 35 YEARS OLD

WITH SPIDER-MAN UNDERWEAR ON.

[LAUGHTER]

STANDING IN THE SCREEN DOOR

EATING GRAHAM CRACKERS.

[APPLAUSE]