Michael Ian Black - Awkward Situation

Michael Ian Black: Very Famous Season 1, Ep 101 08/06/2011 Views: 10,529

At a recent doctor's appointment, Michael Ian Black said the most humiliating sentence that he has ever said to another man. (2:29)

HE DIDN'T DO THAT.HE JUST SAID,

"PLEASE TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS."

AND I GO, "OKAY."

AND I TAKE OFF MY PANTS.

AND THEN I'M THINKINGTO MYSELF,

"DOES HE MEAN UNDERWEAR TOO?

"HE DIDN'TSPECIFY UNDERWEAR,

"BUT I'M PRETTY SUREHE MEANS UNDERWEAR.

"BUT THAT'S NOTTHE KIND OF THING

YOU WANT TO BEPRESUMPTUOUS ABOUT."

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKEOFF YOUR UNDERWEAR

AND HAVE HIM BE LIKE,

"WHAT THE [bleep]ARE YOU DOING?"

BUT I DECIDE, "YEAH,HE PROBABLY MEANS UNDERWEAR."

BUT I'M NOT SURE.

SO RATHER THAN JUST ASK,LIKE A NORMAL PERSON,

I MAKE AN AWKWARD SITUATIONFAR MORE AWKWARD

'CAUSE THIS IS HOW I TAKE OFFMY UNDERWEAR, LIKE THIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE A 14-YEAR-OLD RUNAWAYAT A BUS STOP.

YOU KNOW, JUST...

BUT HE DOESN'T STOP ME,YOU KNOW?

SO I'M LIKE,"OKAY, I'M DOING THAT RIGHT."

AND THEN I'M STANDING THEREWITH MY PANTS AND MY UNDERWEAR

AROUND MY ANKLESAND MY SHIRT STILL ON,

WHICH IS MAKING ME FEELFAR MORE NAKED

THAN IF I'D JUST TAKEN OFFALL MY CLOTHES, YOU KNOW.

AND THEN WE'RE KIND OFSTARING AT EACH OTHER,

AND THEN I SAY THE MOSTHUMILIATING SENTENCE

I HAVE EVER SAIDTO ANOTHER MAN.

I SAY,"WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE ME?"

TEARS.

HE GOES, "YEAH, JUST BEND OVERTHE EXAMINING TABLE."

AND I GO, "OKAY."

AND AGAIN, THERE'S, LIKE,A LACK OF SPECIFICITY

IN TERMS OF HOW I AM TO BENDOVER THE EXAMINING TABLE,

BECAUSE, TO MY MIND,

THERE'S 90 POSSIBLE DEGREESTHAT I COULD BEND OVER,

AND I'M NOT SURE WHICH ISTHE CORRECT NUMBER OF DEGREES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, I KNOWIT'S NOT ZERO DEGREES,

'CAUSE IF IT'S ZERO DEGREES,

HE HAS NO ACCESS TO ME.

BUT NOR DO I THINKIT'S 90 DEGREES

BECAUSE THEN I JUST APPEAROVER-EAGER.

SO I SETTLE ON A COOL45 DEGREES.

FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

YOU KNOW, THAT SEEMS RIGHT.

AND THAT'S AS FAR AS I'M GONNAGO FOR THE MAN.

LIKE, I'LL BE DAMNED IFI'M GONNA GET UP ON MY TIPTOES.

THAT, I AM NOT--LIKE HE'S GOTTA WORK FOR IT

A LITTLE BIT,DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?