Uncensored - Chris D'Elia - Wannabe Gangster

Chris D'Elia: White Male. Black Comic. Season 1, Ep 101 11/20/2013 Views: 14,274

Chris D'Elia wants his friend to stop trying to be a gangster every moment of the day. (1:14)

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IT'S SO FUNNY'CAUSE HE'S NOT GANGSTER AT ALL.

LIKE, AT ALL.LIKE, HE'S A WANNABE GANGSTER.

LIKE, YOU NEVER --HE'S ALWAYS GANGSTER.

HERE'S A NEW RULE, OKAY?HERE'S A NEW RULE, ALL RIGHT?

YOU ONLY NEED TO BE GANGSTERWHEN GANGSTER THINGS GO DOWN.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE GANGSTER100% OF THE TIME, ALL RIGHT?

LIKE, I SEE THIS DUDE SOMETIMESAT LIKE 8:30 IN THE MORNING.

NOBODY NEEDS TO WAKE UP GANGSTERIN THE MORNING.

LIKE, NOBODY EVER NEEDS TO BELIKE, "BING!

YO FUCK THIS SHIT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

"HEY, YOU NEVER KNOWWHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN."

YEAH, I DO.YOU'RE JUST GONNA EAT BREAKFAST.

THAT'S WHAT GONNA HAPPEN.

"YEAH, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'SGONNA HAPPEN DURING BREAKFAST.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?I MIGHT BE EATING THEM EGGS.

"WHAT IF THEM EGGS IS ACTING UP?

"I MIGHT HAVE TO -- PAP-PAP! --PUT A SPARK TO THEM EGGS.

"YEAH, IF THEM EGGS IS TRIFLING,I'M LIKE,

'YEAH, BUT THEN...'[IMITATES MACHINE-GUN FIRE]"

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE'S SUCH A WANNABE GANGSTER,MAN.

HE ALWAYS STARTS CONVERSATIONSOUT LIKE THIS.

"HEY, DAWG,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"

NOT YET.YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

WHAT ARE YOU -- THEQUENTIN TARANTINO OF GANGSTERS?

JUST STARTING THE STORYAT THE END?

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]