Annie Lederman - Racist Dogs, Alzheimer's & Flossing

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 11/21/2013
  • Views: 339

Annie Lederman gets annoyed when her elderly parents do stupid things and she has to correct them. (1:54)

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I WANT TO TELL YOUABOUT MY OLD PARENTS.

IT'S SO ANNOYINGHAVING OLD PARENTS,

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, LIKE,

TELL THEM WHEN THEY'RE DOINGTHINGS STUPID.

I HAVE TO TELL MY PARENTS WHENTHEY'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

LIKE THIS MORNING,MY MOM CALLED ME

'CAUSE SHE THINKS HER DOGIS RACIST.

I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S RIDICULOUS,MOM, YOUR DOG CAN'T BE RACIST."

PUPPIES AREN'T BORNTO HATE.

THAT'S NOT A WORLDI WANT TO LIVE IN.

SHE'S LIKE, "NO, EVERY TIMEI WALK PINKY DOWN THE STREET

AND THERE'S A BLACK GUY,SHE JUST STARTS BARKING AT HIM."

I WAS LIKE, "MOM,THAT MEANS YOU'RE A RACIST.

"THAT MEANS WHENYOU'RE WALKING DOWN THE STREET

"AND YOU SEE A BLACK GUY,YOU TENSE UP AND GET NERVOUS,

"THAT TUGS A LITTLE BITON THE LEASH

AND TRAINS PINKYTO ACT TO PROTECT YOU."

WHICH IS THE SAME PSYCHOLOGYI USE TO EXPLAIN WHY

WHEN I'M WALKING MY DOGBY A BLACK GUY,

SHE GOES UPAND SUCKS HIS [bleep].

SHE JUST CLIMBS UP HIS LEG,STARTS PAWING AT HIS BALLS.

LIKE MOMMY, LIKE PUPPY.

[audience cheering]

I'M JUST KIDDING.I DON'T HAVE A DOG.

MY DAD'S IN HIS MID-70s.THAT'S OLD AS SHIT.

WHEN HIS PARENTS WERE THAT AGE,THEY BOTH HAD ALZHEIMER'S,

SO HE'S FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT,AND THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM,

HE SAT ME DOWNAND HAD A CONVERSATION WITH ME.

HE SAID, "SWEETIE, IF I EVERSTART TO FORGET ANYTHING

OR SHOW ANY SYMPTOMS,PLEASE KILL ME."

I WAS LIKE, "DAD, YOU TOLD METHAT FIVE MINUTES AGO."

I TOOK THE KNIFE OUT OF MY BOOT,AND I STABBED HIM IN THE CHEST.

HE LIVED.

I'M A BAD DAUGHTER.

WHATEVER.

I DON'T KNOW,I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE.

I'M TRYINGTO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

THIS MORNING,I WOKE UP, AND I FLOSSED

FOR THE FIRST TIMESINCE, LIKE, THIRD GRADE.

IT REALLY SUCKED.

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH BLOODI HAD STUCK BETWEEN MY TEETH.

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