Rich Vos - A Girl with Asthma

Tough Crowd Stands Up with Colin Quinn Season 1, Ep 0101 12/08/2002 Views: 2,894

Rich likes a girl with asthma. (1:34)

LOOK HOW HOT THESE GIRLS ARE.

ARE YOU SINGLE?

ARE YOU REALLY?

I GOT A CAR.

[LAUGHTER]

I CAN'T MEET A GIRL.

I CANNOT MEET GIRL.

I WENT ON LIKE match.com TO MEET

A GIRL, ON A WEBSITE, I SWEAR

TO GOD.

AND I'M READING ALL THEIR

PROFILES, EVERYONE SAYS THEY

LIKE HIKING.

THEY ALL LIKE HIKING.

HOW COME WHENEVER I DATE A GIRL

I CAN'T GET HER TO GO TO THE

KITCHEN AND GET ME A DRINK,

OKAY.

BUT ON A DATE SHE WANTS TO CROSS

THE NORTHWEST PASSAGE.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M THE KIND OF GUY THAT DATES

A GIRL RIGHT, AND I SEE HER LIKE

FIVE YEARS LATER AND SHE THANKS

ME FOR GETTING SOBER.

RIGHT, I WAS LIKE HER BOTTOM.

[LAUGHTER]

"OH, THANK YOU, SINCE YOU

I HAVEN'T CRIED DURING SEX

OR CUT MYSELF."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SEE MY DREAM GIRL FOR ME

IS A GIRL WITH ASTHMA.

I LIKE A GIRL WITH ASTHMA.

RIGHT AS SHE'S GOING SOUTH ON

YOU, "WHOOOO, WHOOO, WHOOO!"

"THAT'S RIGHT, BABY, TAKE IT

ALL."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND HERE'S A LITTLE TIP, TOO,

LADIES, WHEN YOU'RE DOING THAT,

RIGHT, AFTER WE COMPLETE, STOP,

IT HURTS.

ALRIGHT?

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, ALRIGHT?

WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH A

POPSICLE, YOU DON'T EAT THE

STICK, DO YOU?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND DON'T KISS ME EITHER,

BRUSH YOUR TEETH, WHAT'S WRONG

WITH YOU?

[LAUGHTER]

GET OUT OF THE CAR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]