Jordan Rubin - Superman: Real or Fiction?

  • Season 12, Ep 8
  • 01/31/2008
  • Views: 4,183

Some people just can't believe everything that Superman does. (3:21)

ON THE PHONE AND AS IT'S RINGING

YOU FORGET WHO YOU'RE CALLING?IT'S LIKE ALZHEIMER'S STAGE ONE,

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO HANG UPIN CASE THEY HAVE CALLER ID.

IT'S LIKE, "HELLO,DO YOU KNOW ME, UH...

I THINK I KNOW YOU.I THINK WE'RE FRIENDLY."

THEY'RE LIKE"THIS IS DOMINO'S PIZZA."

"OH." HOW COME WHEN YOUCALL SOMEONE ON THE PHONE,

YOU WAKE THEM UP,THEY ALWAYS PRETEND LIKETHEY WEREN'T ASLEEP.

LIKE IT'S SO BAD TO BE ASLEEP.IT'S ALWAYS LIKE, BRRRRRING,

"HELLO?" "OH DID I WAKE YOU?""NO. I WAS JUST

SITTING IN A CHAIR WITH A GUN.WHAT ARE WE DOING?

I AM READY TO ROCK."

I USED TO CRANK CALL PEOPLEWHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

THAT WAS MYFAVORITE THING TO DO.

I USED TO CALL THIS GIRL NAMEDANDREA, BUT SHE'D NEVER BE HOME.

I'D BE LIKE, "HEY ANDREA.I'M IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW.

I'M GONNA KILL YOU." AND I'D JUST HEAR LIKE,

"THIS ISN'T ANDREA.IT'S HER MOM. SHE'S OUT."

I'D BE LIKE,"WELL, COULD I LEAVEA MESSAGE FOR HER?

"JUST TELL HERI'M GONNA KILL HER.

AND CAN YOU ALSO TELL HER[Heavy Breathing]."

[LAUGHTER]

I JUST GOT A NEW CELL PHONE.THANK YOU.

YOU EVER GET A NEW CELL PHONE,YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO TRANSFER

ALL THE NUMBERS OVER?SO YOU JUST STOP BEING FRIENDS

- WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

WHO NEEDS THESE PEOPLE? I DON'TWANT TO HANG OUT WITH 'EM.

SOME OF MY FRIENDS AREWATCHING MOVIES ON THEIR PHONES,

THESE NEW PHONES.I LIKE MOVIES.

I DON'T WANT TOWATCH THEM ON MY PHONE.

I LOVE SUPERHERO MOVIES.I SAW THAT SUPERMAN RETURNS.

I DON'T WANT TO RUIN IT,BUT HE RETURNS AND--

THERE'S A SCENEIN SUPERMAN RETURNS

WHERE SUPERMAN GETS SHOT INTHE FACE AT POINT BLANK RANGE.

THE BULLETBOUNCES OFF HIS EYE.

THE GUY SITTING NEXT TO MEIN THE THEATRE GOES,

- "YEAH RIGHT."- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LIKE THAT'S WHERE ITALL CAME APART FOR HIM, RIGHT?

LIKE HE'S SITTING THERETHE WHOLE MOVIE LIKE,

"I CAN SEE THIS GUYFLYING AROUND,

"AND I CAN SEE HIMBEING FROM KRYPTON,

BUT BULLET OFF THE EYE?NO WAY, COME ON."

YOU AIN'T FOOLING ME,HOLLYWOOD.

HOLLYWOOD!

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS,WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS GOOGLING KRYPTON TODAY.

INTERESTING PLANET,I WILL SAY THAT.

I LOVE GOOGLE.GOOGLE IS AWESOME

BECAUSE ON GOOGLE,YOU CAN JUST, LIKE,

TYPE IN ANYTHINGAND GET IT WRONG

AND IT KNOWS WHAT YOU MEANT.IT'S LIKE PSYCHIC, RIGHT?

LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO I TYPED IN"HOW DO YOU MAKE CUPCAKES?"

AND IT SAID, "DO YOU MEAN,HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE GAY?"

I WAS LIKE,"YEAH. ACTUALLY I DID."

Loading...