Extended - Ari Shaffir - Pulling Out

Ari Shaffir: Passive Aggressive Season 1, Ep 101 03/13/2015 Views: 1,820

Ari Shaffir reveals the delicate mechanics of his preferred birth control method. (1:58)

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And many of ourbirth control methods

is pulling out.

The safest and most consistentand longest-lasting method

of birth controlin human history.

We all should use condoms,but there's all been points

where you're like,"Eh, I got this one."

But let me just tell you this.

Pulling out is a two-way street.

It's not like the pillwhere it's all for you

to take control of.

Pulling out, we both need tohave some responsibility here.

'Cause it takes us to say, "Hey,I'm about to come right now.

I gotta pull out."

And it takes you not to say,"Oh, no, no, wait.

"Just one more second.

"Just a little bit more.

"Please, one more second.

Not yet, just a little more.Just one more second."

This--More seconds?

What?

What are you talking about?

More seconds, what a--

What a crazy cartoon lifeyou live in.

Look, I led with my best offer,okay?

If there are more seconds,I guarantee you

we wouldn't be talkingright now.

I'd still be choking you.

[laughter and applause]

More seconds.Wouldn't that be nice?

No, we get, like--When you got,like, five seconds left,

we get like, "Hey"--Like,there's a voice on our shoulder

goes, "Hey, you got, like,five seconds left.

You gotta pull out."

But then another voice on yourother shoulder goes,

"Uh, listen to yourself.

"You still have five seconds.

"This is the best part.Don't waste it.

"This is the centerof the watermelon right now.

Enjoy yourself."

So you're like, "Okay."

So you wait till like,"Two, one.

"There we go!There we go.

"I don't know about that.

"I really don't know.It was right on the line.

It was right on the line.I'm not really sure."