Nick Kroll - Committed to the Craft

  • Season 1 , Ep 103
  • 11/05/2010
  • Views: 11,733

The first time Nick Kroll did stand-up, he wasn't totally committed to the craft yet. (2:49)

AND HE HAS A COMEDY CENTRALSPECIAL COMING SOON.

I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOUWHAT IT'S CALLED.

YOU FIGURE IT OUT.

PLEASE WELCOME MY FRIEND,NICK KROLL!

[cheers and applause]

- HOORAY!

HELLO. HI.NICE TO SEE YOU ALL.

THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

SO I AM, UH,VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE.

UM, DOING STAND-UP ON TVIS SOMETHING

THAT WE ALL DREAM OFEVENTUALLY DOING.

AND I THINK ABOUT THE FIRST TIMETHAT I DID STAND-UP,

UM, AND IT WAS WHEN I WASA FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE.

- IN MY CASE, I DREAM OFJUST WATCHING SOMEONE ELSE

DO STAND-UP ON TELEVISION.

- IT'S HAPPENED, BRO.

- I'VE FINALLY MADE MY DREAMOF JUST WATCHING

SOMEONE ELSE DO THE COMEDY.

- SO NOW, THE OTHER PIECE--

AND THIS WASMY BIG SET PIECE WAS

I WAS GONNA GET ONSTAGE

AND BE, LIKE,"YOU KNOW WHAT,

"I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BESO NERVOUS,

BUT I'M ACTUALLYQUITE RELAXED."

AND THEN I WAS GONNAPISS MY PANTS.

[laughter]

BUT I WASN'T GONNA ACTUALLYPISS MY PANTS.

I WAS GONNA HAVEA WATER BALLOON

AND FILL IT WITH WATER.

- IF YOU'RE A PRO,YOU'D FILL IT WITH PISS.

- WASN'T TOTALLY COMMITTEDTO THE CRAFT AT THAT POINT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,TONIGHT I'VE GOT

A BAGFUL OF PISSIN MY POCKET.

SO I--I'M, UH--

BUT I GET FREAKED OUT,AND I SHOW UP

WITHOUT MY WATER BALLOON,WITHOUT MY PEN.

SO I AM BACKSTAGE RUMMAGINGTHROUGH THE GARBAGE,

LOOKING FOR ANYTHING.

SO I FIND A SANDWICH BAGWITH A SANDWICH IN IT,

THROW THE SANDWICH OUT,FILL THE BAG WITH WATER.

BUT THERE'S STILL, LIKE,FLECKS OF WHEAT BREAD

FLOATING AROUND IN IT.

I GRAB A PEN,I GET ONSTAGE, AND I GO,

"YOU KNOW WHAT, I THOUGHTI WAS GONNA BE SO NERVOUS.

BUT I'M ACTUALLYQUITE RELAXED."

[laughter]

IT JUST LOOKED LIKEI WAS FURIOUSLY MASTURBATING

WHICH IS BASICALLY WHAT I'VEBEEN DOING ONSTAGE EVER SINCE.

[cheers and applause]

THERE YOU GO.

SO--SO WHEN I WAS18 YEARS OLD,

I LIVED IN SPAIN FOR A YEAR.

OR AS THE SPANISH WOULD SAY,

[Spanish accent]I LIVE IN-A SPAIN FOR ONE YEAR.

[laughter]

- I WISH THERE WAS A TRANSLATORFOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID.

- [Spanish accent]I WISH THERE WAS A TRANSLATOR

FOR EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAY.

- SAY, "FURIOUSLY MASTURBATING."

- [Spanish accent]BURIOUSLY MASTURBATING.

[laughter,cheers, and applause]

- OH, MY.

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