Jon Reep - Bless His Heart

  • Season 10 , Ep 11
  • 03/23/2006
  • Views: 34,242

Shooting fish in a barrel is not as easy as it sounds. (2:35)

I AM. I DON'T HATE ANYBODY.

I'VE NEVER BEEN ON SPRINGE OR MAURY.

I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO ANY OF MY COUSINS.

AND I GOT SOME HOT COUSINS, TOO.

I'M JUST A CHARACTER.THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL MEBACK HOME IN HICKORY.

THEY GO,"OH, HE'S A CHARACTER."

YEAH, TRANSLATION, "OH, HE'S RETARDED.

[LAUGHTER]

"I CAUGHT HIM DANCING NAKED WITH THE PIG IN A SPRINKLER.

HE'S A CHARACTER."

YEAH, WE GOT ALL KINDS OF WORDS AND PHRASES LIKE THAT

THAT THE REST OFTHE COUNTRY JUST HAS AHARD TIME FIGURING OUT.

YOU KNOW, LIKE IF YOUEVER HEAR SOMEBODY SAY,

"WELL, I LOVE HIM TO DEATH,"

THEY'RE ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING HORRIBLE.

IT'S LIKE, "WELL, I LOVE HIM TO DEATH,

- "BUT HE BEATS PUPPIES. - [LAUGHTER]

"HE DOES WITH KITTENS.

HE BEATS 'EM WITH KITTENS LIKE THIS. BUT I LOVE HIM TO DEATH."

IT'S THE SAME THINGWITH "BLESS HIS HEART."

IF YOU EVER SOMEBODY SAY, "BLESS HIS HEART,"

THEY'RE ABOUT TO TALK SOME TRASH.

"BLESS HIS HEART, BUT HE IS A PEDOPHILE.

"HE'S A GAY PEDOPHILE, WITH A CLUB FOOT.

BLESS HIS HEART." THERE ARE TONS OF THOSE, MAN.

IF SOMETHING'S EASY, YOU'LL HEAR THIS ONE,

"WELL, THAT'S AS EASY AS SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL."

IS THAT EVEN EASY? HAVE YOU DONE THAT?

FISH ARE FAST.HOLD STILL, YOU LITTLE [BLEEP].

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SHOOT A FISH ONCE HE'S IN THE BARREL?

YOU GOT HIM. YOU'VE ALREADY ONE.

HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE, MAN. YOU'RE JUST GONNA MAKE A MESS.

GO GET A NET SCOOP AND SCORE. THAT'S A FISHY.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE.AND YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD THIS.

I LOVE THIS ONE. "[BLEEP] EATING GRIN."

WHAT? I KNOW. [BLEEP] EAT-- IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?

I DON'T EVER WANNA BE THAT HAPPY.

IF YOU CAN GRIN AND EAT THAT AT THE SAME TIME,

- BLESS YOUR HEART. - [LAUGHTER]

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