Nick Kroll - Cats Are Terrible

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 02/05/2010
  • Views: 47,687

Ironically, the characteristics that Nick Kroll hates in cats, he loves in women. (2:56)

LET'S GET TO IT, GUYS.

DOGS VERSUS CATS,WHICH IS IT? DOGS OR CATS?

(audience shouting)

ALL RIGHT, WHO SAID CATS?(man) YEAH!

OKAY, YOU'RE WRONG.OKAY.

CATS ARE THE WORST.CATS ARE THE WORST.

THEY ARE THE WORST.GIVE IT UP, YES.(applause)

THANK YOU.I WILL TAKE IT.

(laughs)THEY ARE THE WORST.

THEY'RE SO UNGRATEFUL.THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

THEY'RE COLD AND INDIFFERENT,

WHICH IRONICALLY IS--WHAT I HATE IN CATS

IS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT WOMEN.

I--I DON'T LIKE BEINGAROUND THEM,

I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE JUSTNOT LIKE--LIKE, A CAT--

LIKE, A DOG WILL BRING YOUA NEWSPAPER, RIGHT?

A CAT WILL BE LIKE,

"OH, I THOUGHT YOUWANTED ME TO BRING YOU

A DECAPITATED RAT CARCASS."

(laughter)

I LIVE IN L.A. NOW

WHICH MEANS I DRIVE AROUNDALL THE TIME,

AND I LOVE DRIVINGBECAUSE IT MEANS

I GET TO LISTEN TO THE RADIO,

AND BY FAR, MY FAVORITE THINGTO LISTEN TO ON THE RADIO

IS LATIN RADIO.

'CAUSE THOSE DUDES ARE HAVINGTHE BEST TIME OF ANYBODY.

IT'S LIKE, BIENVENIDOS DAMAS Y CABALLEROS!

ON NUEVE, UNO, UNO, PUNTO NUEVE!

EL SANGRE DE LOS ANGELES.

YO SOY EL CHUPACABRA!

CUCURICU! CUCURICU!

(Latin accent) YOU CAN LISTENTO US ON OUR WEB SITE

AT NUEVE, UNO, UNO, PUNTO NUEVE!

PUNTO COM!

ALL RIGHT.LET'S TAKE A CALLER.

FIRST CALLER,YOU ON THE AIR.

(high-pitched voice) HOLA, YO SOY UN BEBE.

OKAY, WE GOT A BABYON THE PHONE!

QUE PASA, BABY?! QUE PASA, BABY?!

TODO IGUAL. TODO IGUAL.

(laughter)

DONDE ESTA MIS GAFAS DE SOL PARA EL BEBE?

OKAY, HE'S ASKINGWHERE ARE HIS BABY SUNGLASSES?

(laughter)

WHERE ARE HIS BABY SUNGLASSES?

FIRST CALLER TO CORRECTLYIDENTIFY

WHERE THE BABY SUNGLASSES AREWILL GET THE GRAND PRIZE

OF AN OLD PAIROF PIJAMAS!

(laughter)

THE FIRST JOKEOF THE DAY COMES FROM

ALEJANDRO IN ARGENTINA.

HE WRITE, "HOW MANY BOLIVIANSDOES IT TAKE

"TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

ZERO, BECAUSE THEY HAVENO ELECTRICITY."

(laughter)

AND THE SECOND JOKEOF THE DAY!

THE SECOND JOKE OF THE DAY

COMES FROM MICOIN ARGENTINA AS WELL.

HE WRITES,

"WHAT IS WORSE THAN FINDINGA WORM IN YOUR APPLE?

AIDS.AIDS IS WORSE."

(laughter)

IT'S A DEBILITATINGVIRU-U-U-U-S!

CUCURICU! CUCURICU!

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