IS HIS ABILITY TO REASON.

ANOTHER THING YOU CAN GO BYIS LAST NAMES.

WHAT'S HIS NAME? PATCHES?

PATCHES WHAT?

THAT'S A DOG.DON'T WASTE MY TIME. COME ON.

SIAMESE TWINSARE REALLY INTERESTING,

'CAUSE THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLEWHO CAN WRITE A BIOGRAPHY

AND AN AUTOBIOGRAPHYAT THE SAME TIME.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,MY TEACHER SAID,

"CAN YOU NAME THE PRESIDENTS?"

I WAS LIKE, "SURE.

THEY ALREADY HAVE NAMES, BUT IFYOU WANT ME TO DO THAT..."

I WAS TALKINGTO ONE OF MY FRIENDS,

AND I SAID, "ATM MACHINE."

AND HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW,THE 'M' STANDS FOR 'MACHINE,'

SO YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYINGATM MACHINE MACHINE."

SO THEN I CORRECTED MYSELF,SO NOW I SAY, "ATM-ACHINE."

IF YOU'RE COLOR-BLIND,EATING CANDY MUST BE

A COMPLETELY DIFFERENTEXPERIENCE.

"ALL RIGHT.COME ON, STARBURST.

"LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

LEMON.DAMN IT!"

I WAS IN THE GYM, AND THISREALLY BIG GUY GOT MAD AT ME

'CAUSE HE WAS LIKE,"SPOT ME. SPOT ME. SPOT ME."

I WAS LIKE, "OKAY.YOU'RE RIGHT THERE."