David Feldman - Women's Suffrage

  • Season 7 , Ep 19
  • 06/19/2003
  • Views: 2,147

David Feldman believes women should be allowed to vote. (2:19)

THIS GREAT LAND OF OURS--

ALL OVER THE PLANET, ACTUALLY.

I JUST WANNA SAY WE LIVE IN THE

GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY

OF CIVILIZATION.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT IS THIS, A FUNDRAISER

FOR AL QAEDA?

I SAID THIS IS THE GREATEST

COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF

CIVILIZATION!

[CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

AND I DON'T READ THE NEWSPAPERS,

BUT APPARENTLY THERE'S SOME

FUNKY STUFF GOING ON.

AND I JUST WANNA REMIND YOU THAT

IF YOU PERSECUTE SOMEBODY JUST

'CAUSE THEY MIGHT LOOK A LITTLE

DIFFERENT, THAN YOU ARE NO

BETTER THAN OUR COUNTRY'S

FOUNDING FATHERS.

[LAUGHTER]

THOMAS JEFFERSON AND GEORGE

WASHINGTON; THESE SYPHILITIC

SLAVE HOLDING POT SMOKING

CROSS DRESSING MALE CHAUVINIST

PIGS WHO BELIEVED THAT WOMEN

AND AFRICAN AMERICANS SHOULD BE

DENIED THE RIGHT TO VOTE.

AND THAT'S JUST WRONG.

AFRICAN AMERICANS SHOULD BE

ALLOWED TO VOTE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT, THEY SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED

TO VOTE?

YOU LIBERAL RACIST.

[LAUGHTER]

WOMEN.

OF COURSE WOMEN SHOULD BE

ALLOWED TO VOTE.

WE NEVER WOULD HAVE REPEALED

PROHIBITION HAD IT NOT BEEN

FOR THE SUFFRAGETTE MOVEMENT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

'CAUSE ONCE YOU STARTED TO VOTE,

EVERYBODY SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

I NEED A DRINK."

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, I PROMISED MYSELF

I WOULDN'T CRY 'CAUSE I'M A

PRETTY AGGRESSIVE BASTARD

UP HERE.

AND I PROMISED MYSELF THAT THE

EYES WOULDN'T START TEARING UP.

BUT IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK HERE.

AND THERE ARE ONLY TWO TOWNS IN

AMERICA THAT I EVER LOOK FORWARD

TO COMING HOME TO.

MANHATTAN AND--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND ANY OTHER PLACE THAT'LL

BOOK ME.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE DOING TELEVISION.

I LIKE TO PUT SOMETHING BACK

INTO THE UNIVERSE.

I LIKE TO THINK, RIGHT NOW,

SOME GUY IS WATCHING ME

IN A MOTEL-6, WITH A HALF EMPTY

BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS

AND A FULLY LOADED PISTOL.

AND HE'S HEARD TWO OR THREE

OF MY JOKES THAT GAVE HIM THE

COURAGE TO PULL THE TRIGGER.

[LAUGHTER]

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