Reexamining the Second Amendment

June 23, 2016 - Macklemore 06/23/2016 Views: 19,597

Michelle Wolf unpacks the Second Amendment and breaks down what the founding fathers likely intended when writing this section of the Bill of Rights. (3:31)

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The argument over gunsin America

always seemsto make its way back

to the meaningof the Second Amendment.

Here with her perspective is ourin-house Constitutional scholar,

Michelle Wolf, everybody.

(cheering, applause)

-Hello, Michelle.-Hello, Trevor.

Great job saying"Constitutional".

-I try. I try.-You really nailed it.

-Thank you very much. -And youlook very pretty tonight.

Oh, thank you very much.

Okay, Trevor, I'm not here totalk about your beauty regimen.

I'm here to talk aboutthe Second Amendment.

So let's look at what it says.

"A well regulated militia--comma--

"being necessary to the securityof a free state-- comma--

"the right of people to keepand bear arms-- comma--

shall not be infringed--period."

So, uh, asa Constitutional scholar,

would you give usyour analysis of this passage?

Well, in myprofessional opinion,

it's (bleep).

It's a (bleep),poorly-worded amendment.

It's one long sentencethat never ends,

where the sequence of wordsis all wrong,

resulting in a confusingstructure--

comma-- with terriblepunctuation

-that's hard to interpret...-Well, that makes...

Ah... I'm not finished.

...properly.

Are you gonna talk or are youjust gonna sit there

-like a mannequin at JCPenney?-Well, I wasn't...

I wasn't sure if you were done.

I wasn't.

The Founding Fathers (bleep) upthe Second Amendment.

What arms are weallowed to bear?

Do we only get gunsif we're in a militia?

What's a militia?

It sounds like somethingyou name your fourth daughter

when we've run outof other names.

Hi, I'm Militia.

And by the way,if she's your fourth daughter,

she's not gonna bethat well-regulated.

(audience groans)

She's a fake person.

So I don't knowwhat happened with the people

who wrote the Second Amendment.Maybe they were so excited

about finally finishingthe First Amendment--

which they knockedout of the park, by the way--

or maybe they couldn't waitto run home

and have some slave sex.

(audience groans)

Oh, don't boo the slaves.

They've had it hard enough.

It's a bad amendment.

Look, uh, Michelle, I-I don'tthink I would disagree,

but these arethe Founding Fathers.

Oh, like we alllike our fathers.

Sure, they did some great stuff,

but they had justbroken up with England.

Have you evermade a good decision

right after a bad breakup?

No. That's the time in your life

when you sleep with the guythat has one leg and a bird

and you didn't even know hisname, so when you tell the story

to your friends,you call him pirate.

That sounds really specific.Did that happen to you?

My points is,we all make mistakes.

Like the Founding Fatherswith the Second Amendment.

-And you with the pirates.-Oh, no.

Best sex I ever had.

-(laughter)-The bird wash and everything.

I don't think it shouldbe impossible to get a gun,

but I do thinkit should be at least as hard

as interpreting one sentencewritten by a guy

who lived so long ago he had touse a turkey feather as a pen.

Now, Trevor, everyone agreesthat there are people

that shouldn't get guns--terrorists, criminals,

me after a box of wine.

So me every night.

Now go to commercial, becauseI have a box of wine to get to.

Oh, I guess we'll do that.Michelle Wolf, everyone!