- SNL honestly hasn't changed that much.
What's really changed is you.
Life fucked you so hard to the point
that recurring characters and famous actors struggling
to read cue cards isn'twhat it used to be.
SNL isn't for you anymore.
You don't even know who most of the musical guests are.
The Weeknd is just one guy, not a band.
My bones are frail.
It's hard to admit that you're older,
the gray pubes are coming in,
and that Beck Bennett is this generation's Phil Hartman.
Let that sink in for a minute, why don't ya?
If you have to fight a bunch of ninjas,
they all get knocked out easily.
If you have to fight one by itself, it takes forever.
They're either an empty promise
or a lingering fart on the elevator
that needs to just slowly fade away.
Folks rant and rave about how brilliantly bad The Room is,
but honestly, it's just really boring.
An excentric, rich, foreign weirdo named Tommy,
who has the same type of Eurotrash accent
as every man that lets a girl poop on his chest in a porn
is amusing for about the first 15 minutes.
And he sincerely tried his best.
He did as good a job making a movie
as I would running the obstacle courses
on American Ninja Warrior.
There are truly bad movies like the 2015 Fantastic Four,
or Jupiter Accending
that cost hundreds of millions to make
and have an armyof crew members,
and yet they make no sense and contains zero fun.
Before we make fun of Tommy Wiseau
and the way he says, "You're tearing me apart, Lisa",
let's remember every six months a bunch
of British white guys pretend to be Egyptian
and scream a lot, and that is so much worse.
I'm looking at you, Noah,
gods of Egypt, exegists,
everything else I've seen on a plane when I'm alone.