The "Saturday Night Live" Delusion, Ninjas and "The Room" - Uncensored

01/17/2017 Views: 84

Mike Lawrence suggests a new way of looking at "Saturday Night Live," unloads his feelings about ninjas and explains why we should cut Tommy Wiseau a little slack. (2:02)

- SNL honestly hasn't changed that much.

What's really changed is you.

Life fucked you so hard to the point

that recurring characters and famous actors struggling

to read cue cards isn'twhat it used to be.

SNL isn't for you anymore.

You don't even know who most of the musical guests are.

The Weeknd is just one guy, not a band.

My bones are frail.

It's hard to admit that you're older,

the gray pubes are coming in,

and that Beck Bennett is this generation's Phil Hartman.

Oh yes.

Let that sink in for a minute, why don't ya?

Ninjas suck.

If you have to fight a bunch of ninjas,

they all get knocked out easily.

If you have to fight one by itself, it takes forever.

They're either an empty promise

or a lingering fart on the elevator

that needs to just slowly fade away.

Folks rant and rave about how brilliantly bad The Room is,

but honestly, it's just really boring.

An excentric, rich, foreign weirdo named Tommy,

who has the same type of Eurotrash accent

as every man that lets a girl poop on his chest in a porn

is amusing for about the first 15 minutes.

And he sincerely tried his best.

He did as good a job making a movie

as I would running the obstacle courses

on American Ninja Warrior.

There are truly bad movies like the 2015 Fantastic Four,

or Jupiter Accending

that cost hundreds of millions to make

and have an armyof crew members,

and yet they make no sense and contains zero fun.

Before we make fun of Tommy Wiseau

and the way he says, "You're tearing me apart, Lisa",

let's remember every six months a bunch

of British white guys pretend to be Egyptian

and scream a lot, and that is so much worse.

I'm looking at you, Noah,

gods of Egypt, exegists,

everything else I've seen on a plane when I'm alone.