Ed Byrne - Professionalism and Courtesy

  • Season 1, Ep 7
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 2,855

People who get liposuction aren't insulted by their doctors. (1:56)

(Ed Byrne)AMERICANS HAVE THISVIEW OF THE BRITISH,

AS-AS HAVING VERY BAD TEETH.

YOU SEE, KIDS GO TOSCHOOL IN AMERICA,

PEOPLE GET LIGHTNINGCONDUCTORS WRAPPEDAROUND THEIR FACES.

EVERYONE IN AMERICAHAS TO HAVE THE SAME TEETH.

EVERYONE... EVERYONE!

NO, NOT EVERYONE.

OBVIOUSLY YOU GOT SOMEPLACE IN THE DEEP SOUTH...

YOU GOT A WHOLE TRAILERPARK SHARING THE ONE(bleep)ING TOOTH.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU GO TO HOLLYWOOD,FOR INSTANCE.

ALL THE HOLLYWOOD ACTORSHAVE THE EXACT SAME

PERFECT WHITESTRAIGHT TEETH.

IF THERE WAS A HUGEFIRE, AT THE OSCARS...

YEAH...

IMAGINE IF IT WAS YOURJOB TO IDENTIFY EVERYONE

BY THEIR DENTAL REMAINS.

YOU'D BE LIKE, WELL, I FOUNDALL THE BRITISH ACTORS,

AND STEVE BUSCEMI.

WHAT I HATE ABOUTTHE DENTIST IS THAT...

I JUST FIND THEM CREEPY.

THEY CARE MORE ABOUTYOUR TEETH THAN YOU DO.

THEY HAVE CHARTSON HOW THEY'RE DOING.

THEY'RE LIKE STALKERS.

MY DENTIST, IN ALLFAIRNESS, HE'S A NICE MAN.

THE DENTAL HYGIENIST,HOWEVER...

EVIL TOOTH SCRAPINGWITCH FROM HELL.

THEY'RE NOT HAPPY UNLESSYOU GO HOME BLEEDING.

OH, YOUR GUMS AREIN TERRIBLE SHAPE.

YEAH, WELL AT HOMEI DON'T CLEAN THEMWITH A METAL SPIKE.

IF I WANT TO LIE DOWN AND BEABUSED BY A WOMAN I'M PAYING,

I'LL GO TOAMSTERDAM, RIGHT?

SHE ACTUALLY SAID TO ME,

"WELL, YOU DON'TEAT VERY WELL,

BECAUSE YOU GOTA LOT OF ZITS."

I FELT LIKE SAYING, WELL,YOUR HAIR'S QUITE BADLY DYED

AND YOU'RE GETTINGON A BIT, LOVE.

BUT I DIDN'T.

I CALMLY EXPLAINEDTO HER THAT

THERE ARE WAYS AND MEANS OFSAYING THINGS TO PEOPLE.

FOR INSTANCE, WHEN IARRIVED HERE TODAY ATTHE CLINIC, I SAID,

I'D LIKE TO SEE THEDENTAL HYGIENIST, PLEASE.

I DIDN'T WANDER IN GOING,

I CAN'T BE BOTHEREDCLEANING MY TEETH.

TOOTH SCRUBBER!

TARTER BITCH!

NO.

IF YOU GO FOR LIPOSUCTION,YOU DON'T EXPECT

THE GUY WHO'S PERFORMINGTHE SURGERY TO GO,

COME ON IN, YOU FAT (bleep).

COME ON.

COME ON.

WHERE ARE ALLTHE PIES, EH?

JESUS.

I'LL SUCH THAT(bleep) OUT OF YA.

FAT, LAZY, PIE-EATING,

NO-EXERCISE-HAVING,WOBBLY-ASS BASTARD.

COME ON.

COME ON IN!

Loading...