Michael Kosta - Should Be More Professional

  • Season 15 , Ep 2
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 6,945

Michael Kosta wears his noise canceling headphones to block annoying external sounds. (2:19)

WENT ON A DATE RECENTLYWITH A WOMAN IN A WHEELCHAIR,

AND, UH...I STOOD HER UP.

[audience laughing]

NOT SURPRISINGLY,THAT'S WHEN SHE FELL FOR ME.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEN IT BECAMEA BIT OF A DRAG.

BUT NOW WE'REON A ROLL.

I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL--I'M GONNA SEE HER AGAIN.

I AM GONNASEE HER AGAIN.

YEAH, I AM-- THAT'S ABOUTLOVE-- THAT JOKE IS ABOUT LOVE.

[audience laughing]

[applause]

I SHOULDN'T MAKE FUNOF PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES.

THAT'S NOT COOL--THAT'S NOT COOL AT ALL.

I ONCE CONVINCEDA BLIND WOMEN

THAT I HAD A BRAILLETATTOO ON MY PENIS.

[audience laughing]

THAT IS SMART,THAT IS SMART.

[audience laughing]

THANK GOD SHE'S A SLOW READER--YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

[audience laughing]

"WHAT'S IT SAY?

[audience laughing]

"WHAT'S YOURTATTOO SAY?"

"SHH, JUST KEEP READING."

[audience laughing]

I JUST BOUGHT THE NOISECANCELING HEADPHONES.

YOU GUYS KNOWWHAT THESE ARE?

OH, MY GOD,THESE ARE SWEET!

DO YOU KNOW WHATTHEY ARE, PEOPLE?

THEY ARE AWESOME!

WHEN YOU WEAR--THANK YOU--

WHEN YOU WEAR NOISECANCELING HEADPHONES,

IT BLOCKS OUT ALLOF THE EXTERNAL SOUND.

I WEAR MINEALL THE TIME.

I EVEN WEAR 'EMWHEN I MASTURBATE,

AND I KNOW THATSOUNDS A LITTLE GROSS.

I JUST GOT TIRED OF PEOPLEYELLING AT ME ON THE BUS.

[audience laughing]

I GET TIRED OF THAT,I GET TIRED OF THAT.

[applause]

IT'S ALWAYSTHE SAME THING.

"YOU SHOULD BEMORE PROFESSIONAL.

"YOU'RE THE DRIVER."

"YOU KNOW WHAT, LADY,

"YOUR KIDS GET TO SCHOOL ONTIME, MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY."

[applause]

THEY JUST HAVE TO CLEAN OFFTHE WINDSHIELD, THAT'S ALL.

[audience laughing]

OR USE THE WINDOWWIPER-- THANK YOU.

FEEL FREE TO YELL[deleted] OUT HERE,

AT THIS COMEDYCENTRAL SPECIAL.

[audience laughing]

IS YOUR NAMEBACK THERE?

[audience laughing]

THAT'S DICK,THAT'S DICK.

I TOOK, LIKE,600 PHOTOS OF THAT.

[cheers and applause]

Loading...