Tracy Smith - Free Money

  • Season 7, Ep 26
  • 08/21/2003
  • Views: 2,999

Money and shopping can cause a lot of anxiety. (2:39)

DON'T YOU?

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

OH, I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

ALL THE COLORS ARE CHANGING

IN THE GAP WINDOW.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE THE GAP.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE STORE.

I'M A SIZE TWO AT THE GAP.

THEY ARE SO FULL OF (BLEEP).

[LAUGHTER]

TRYING TO FLATTER US INTO

BUYING CLOTHES.

THAT'S A LIE I CAN LIVE WITH.

AND THEY HAVE A GREAT SALE RACK,

AND I'M BROKE.

YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU GET

A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY?

RUN INTO A FEW, BONUS BUCKS

SOMEWHERE?

AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENS

RIGHT AWAY, TO JUST SUCK IT

RIGHT OUTTA YOUR HANDS.

YEAH?

HAS IT GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE

YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE THE ANXIETY

OF HAVING EXTRA MONEY?

[LAUGHTER]

LIKE, YOU JUST WONDER WHAT

THE HELL'S GONNA HAPPEN?

YOU PLAYED LOTTERY?

I WON'T PLAY IT.

UH-HUH, TOO RISKY.

IF I WON THE LOTTERY, $8 MILLION

WORTH OF (BLEEP) WOULD HAPPEN

TO ME.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE]

I WOULD CRASH MY CAR INTO

A MUSEUM.

"HOW MUCH FOR THE DINOSAUR?"

$8 MILLION?

I'VE GOT THAT.

OH, AND 25 FOR THE PLAQUE.

(BLEEP).

[LAUGHTER]

ALL I HAD HERE WAS THIS

8 MILLION BUCKS, JUST A-BURNING

A HOLE IN MY POCKET.

I WAS GONNA GO TO TARGET

AND JUST TEAR IT UP!

GOD, I LOVE THAT STORE.

I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY

YOU HAVE.

TARGET (BLEEP) ROCKS.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU CAN'T GET OUTTA THERE

WITHOUT SPENDING 200 BUCKS.

HAVE YOU EVER?

GO IN THERE FOR A PAIR OF

UNDERPANTS.

AND-- (BLEEP) DAMMIT,

I NEED PILLOW SHAMS

AND A MATCHING TOOTHBRUSH CUP.

I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.

I SAID I WASN'T GONNA USE

A CART TODAY.

WELL, YOU TRY TO KID YOURSELF,

WITH THAT HANDBASKET.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU GOT A FRIGGING MICROWAVE

IN THE HAND BASKET.

[LAUGHTER]

I BOUGHT PATIO FURNITURE.

I DON'T HAVE A YARD.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT HAD MATCHING PLATES

AND A SUN TEA MAKER.

AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING,

GOING TO TARGET FOR JUST ONE

PAIR OF UNDERPANTS FOR, ANYWAY?

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU

ON THE WAY TO TARGET?

[LAUGHTER]

JUST RING UP THE UNDERPANTS,

MA'AM.

I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

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