You know, this has been plaguingme for-for a day or two.
I... The news cycle in Americamoves so fast,
all right, that oftentimesyou don't get enough time
to process everythingthat's happened, you know?
It's like an orgy. But I think,
especially overthe coming years,
we're gonna have to get betterat taking a step back
to fully understandwhat it all means.
Take yesterday, for example.There was so much news.
Trump was holdinga press conference
while his nomineefor secretary of state
was being questioned by Congress
while the intelligence communitywas trying to decide
if reports on golden showerswas confirmed or not
and the brand-new Game of Thrones book came out.
Yeah. And let's just sayhe took some inspiration
from the golden shower incident.#GoldWedding.
It's really weird.Really, really weird book.
By the way, that's how we countwhere I'm from.
I don't know if that's, like,a... You guys were weirded out.
It's an accent thing. Calm down.
Uh, so-so tonight,let's do this--
let's take a step backand try and process
one of the crazy thingsthat happened yesterday,
which wasDonald Trump's press conference.
-Mr. President-elect... -Goahead. She's asking a question.
-Don't be rude. -Mr.President-elect, can you give us
-a question? You're attackingus. -Don't be rude.
-Can you give us a question?-Don't be ru...
-Can you give us a question?-No, I'm not gonna give you a...
-I'm not gonna give youa question. -Can you state
-categorically...-You are fake news.
I love that Mr. Real Tanover here
is telling people they're fake.
"CNN, you're fake. You're fake.
"Next question goes to Bat Boyfrom The National Enquirer.
"Yeah, you're real.
"Yes, I do think Hillary adoptedan alien baby.
Yeah, yeah."Now, we already talked
about Trump's anti-media crusadeyesterday.
But yesterday's press conferencewas also a scary glimpse
into the future of whatwe might be able to expect
from a Donald Trump presidency.
And let's start by lookingat the spectacle,
right, which is all Trump wantedus to be looking at yesterday.
Right? Trump shared the stagewith what can only be described
as Manila Mountain.
These papers are just someof the many documents
that I've signed, turning over
complete and total controlto my sons.
-That's a lot of paper!-(laughter)
-So much paper!-(laughter)
What is he doing there?
Looks like a police chief
showing offa homework drug bust.
-(laughter) -He's like, "As youcan see, we found a lot of math,
we found a lot of accounting."
Yeah, but jokes aside,you have to be impressed.
Look how much workhe's been doing for America.
But don't look too close,because if you do,
you might startto notice things.
For instance, the paper
inside the folders doesn't looklike weeks of contracts.
It looks brand-new.
Yeah, and I knowsome of you might be hating.
You might be like,
"Oh, Trevor, no,you're just hating, you know?"
But you tell me.If you had real folders
of real businessyou were really doing,
wouldn't you at leasthave labels on them?
(applause and cheering)
Come on, Donald!
Like, you know what?
At this point, it's not evenabout the lie, man!
-It's about the lack of respect!-(laughter)
Just take, like, two secondsto write down a fake label!
-(laughter) -Just write...You could even be like...
Just be like,"Conflict stuff."
-We don't care!-(laughter)
And the reason this matters is
that spectacle is whatDonald Trump uses
in place of actuallydoing something,
which is surprisingly effective.
Because now there are peopleall over America going,
"I know he left his businessbecause I saw the papers.
"I mean, what kind of sickperson would bring empty folders
"to a press conference?
-Am I right? Am I right?"-(laughter)
Here's another thing we learnedfrom the press conference.
And it's not something new, bythe way, but it's a reminder.
President Trump--he's going to lie... a lot.
What I'm going to be doing is,
my two sons,who are right here--
Don and Eric-- are goingto be running the company.
They are going to be running itin a very professional manner.
They're not goingto discuss it with me.
They're not goingto discuss it with you at all?
-For eight years?-(laughter)
Either that's a lie,or Donald Trump...
Actually, what if the onlyreason Trump ran for president
was so that he wouldn't have totalk to his sons for four years?
-(laughter)-Maybe that's what he did.
-(cheers and applause)-That was the entire reason!
"Sorry, Eric, can't talk.
-Conflict of interest."-(laughter)
"But, Dad, I just wantedto tell you I love you!"
"Bye, now. Bye! Bye!
Get him out of here. Bye!"
(cheers and applause)
And by the way, by the way,
the Office of Government Ethicshas looked
through Donald Trump'sdivestment plans,
and like a pythonat a penis party...
-(laughter)-...they were not impressed.
WOMAN: The head of the government ethics office
called the plan "wholly inadequate."
Stepping back from runninghis positions is meaningless
from a conflicts-of-interestperspective.
The idea of limitingdirect communication
about the businessis wholly inadequate.
This is not a blind trust.It's not even close.
Yes! Thank you!Thank you!
Thank you, soon-to-be-unemployedethics man!
By the way,I hope he ended his speech
with his LinkedIn profile.
Just be like, "And you canhire me very soon! Very soon!"
But he's right.
his children running his companyis a blind trust--
that's like a veggie burgersaying, "I'm a hamburger!"
Get the (bleep) out of here, youfalafel-ass piece of (bleep)!
-(laughter)-You're not a burger!
(applause and cheering)
One thing that was particularlyilluminating yesterday
was how little regardDonald J. Trump seems
to havefor the presidency itself.
In the past,U.S. presidents have always
acknowledged themselvesas being accountable
to the American people.
It's a crucial pieceof what a president should be.
And accountable to all people,
including the oneswho didn't vote for them.
But as Donny always warned us,he is an outsider.
Uh, well, I'm not releasingthe tax returns,
'cause, as you know,they're under audit.
Oh, gee, I've never heard that. Oh, gee, I've never heard that.
I've never heard that before.You know, the only one
that cares about my tax returnsare the reporters.
Okay, they're the only ones...
No, I don't think so. I-I won.
-Do you believe that... -Iwould've not became president.
No, I don't thinkthey care at all.
How great would it beif we could all use
Donald Trump's logicin our daily lives?
We get busted for...on the freeway for speeding.
You know, and the copwould be there, like,
"Do you know how fastyou were going?"
You'd be,"Look at all these other people.
"They don't care. Theydon't care. They don't care.
"If they caredthey wouldn't have gotten
out of the way.They don't care."
But you know what...the sad truth is?
In a way, Trump's right.
Because the peoplewho voted for him,
they don't care.
And the peoplewho chose not to vote,
they don't care.
The only thing we do knowright now is Obamacare.
-Obama care very much.-(laughter)
Obama care, man.
And the 65 million peoplewho are actually the majority,
-they care. But anyway...-(laughter)
I... I just hope
that the press keeps caring.
I'm gladthey asked that question,
and I hope they keep asking it.
Because withouta fully functional press,
the only one who's gonna beblind in this whole situation