We were just talkingabout the two choices
in the presidential election.
It's basically a choicebetween Grandma Nixon
and the Fifth Horsemanof the Apocalypse.
And like I said,it's really no choice at all,
and one of the clearest examplesof that came in just today.
We're in the middleof the Democratic Convention.
All eyes on Hillary Clinton,
and you know how when-when a...when a toddler feels
like someone else is gettingthe attention that he should
be getting, so the toddlerstarts banging pots and pans
and vomiting to see if thatwill get a reaction?
Yeah, well, well,imagine if that toddler
could call a press conference.
Yes, once again, Donald Trumpgrabbed the spotlight,
and this time notfor tanning purposes, no.
He used it to address concernsthat the Russian government
may have orchestratedthe DNC leaks.
So, all we wanted to hearfrom Trump was that
he's not working with Russia tosubvert the American election.
I will tell you this.
Russia, if you're listening,I hope you are able to find
the 30,000 e-mailsthat are missing.
I think you will probably berewarded mightily by our press.
Let's see if that happens.
That'll be next.
Are you (bleep) me!
Did this, did this guy,a man running for president,
just ask Russia to hack America?
You know,for a person who's claiming,
"Bring jobs back to America,"
he sure started outsourcing themreal quick.
So let me understand this.
So Donald Trump calledon a foreign nation
to commit a crime in orderto hurt his political opponent.
This is, this is what happened,people... in real life.
It's not a matterof interpretation.
And here's-here's whythis worries many people.
Because during the campaign,Trump has called
to change American foreignpolicy, uh, foreign policy,
in a way that directlybenefits Russia.
Right? On multiple occasions.
He said he wouldn'tnecessarily intervene
if Russia invaded a NATO ally.
Uh, on Monday he saidthat the U.S. should abandon
a whole bunch of countries
that have always been in linewith the U.S. against Russia.
I like NATO. NATO's fine,
but they got to pay.
They got to pay.
We're protecting Germany...nothing but money.
When I talk about we protectJapan-- which is great.
Now, you always have to beprepared to walk.
Folks, we may have to walk.
You know, you know, the factthat you can interchange
a Donald Trump quotewith a drunk bus driver
should make Americansvery afraid.
"You always have to be preparedto walk.
"We may have to walk, folks.
I'm sorry, we may have to walk."
It's almost hard...
It's almost hard to believehe's saying this stuff out loud.
It's like, it's like,have you ever seen that movie
The Manchurian Candidate?
Yeah? It's about a Russian mole
who's brainwashedto run for president.
Trump is likeif the Manchurian Candidate ran
as the Manchurian Candidate.
(cheering and applause)
So, because of all of this...
because of all of this,
reporters are--if you can believe this--
actually starting to askquestions of Trump
and his Russian-linked campaignmanager Paul Manafort.
Like, for instance,whether Donald Trump
has any financial tiesto the Russian government.
Trump tweeted yesterday that hehas zero investments in Russia.
But does Russia have investmentsin Trump?
Would Mr. Trump be willingto release his taxes
to provide transparencyon this issue?
MANAFORT: Mr. Trump has saidthat his taxes are under audit
and he will benot be releasing them.
It has nothing do with Russia.
So to be clear, Mr. Trump has no
financial relationshipswith any Russian oligarchs.
If that's what he said, uh, uh,that's what I said.
That's, obviously, what the--our position is.
That, that, that's, uh...
(cheering and applause)
Here's how we know Manafortis shady, right?
When this same guy was askedabout Trump's connection
to the e-mail hack,
he responded like a guywhose wife
had caught him sextinganother woman, you know?
Just listen to that answer.
"Paul Manafort,are you cheating on me?"
We, we, we have no relationship.
This is an absurd attemptby the Clinton campaign.
It's absurd, uh, and, you know,there's no basis to it.
The allegations are absurd.
Interesting way to put it.
Because rememberwhen Melania Trump
plagiarizedMichelle Obama's speech?
You guys remember that?
Yes? Yes? Yeah.
Well, well, before the Trumpcampaign admitted it,
here's what Manafort said.
To think that she would dosomething like that,
knowing how scrutinizedher speech
was going to be last night,is just really absurd.
Oh, that-that thingthat definitely happened
was also absurd,absolutely absurd.
It's smart, actually,'cause when you think about it,
absurd doesn't mean untrue.
It just means ridiculous.
Platypuses are absurd,
-(laughter)-but they still exist.
So Manafort is right.
He isn't saying the Russiaaccusations are false,
he's just acknowledging that allof this is bat (bleep) crazy.
since the allegationsare so absurd,
Trump felt the needto take the podium
and reiterate how absurdthey are.
It is so far-fetched,it's so ridiculous.
Honestly,I wish I had that power.
I'd love to have that power.
But Russia has no respectfor our country.
And that's why--if it is Russia,
nobody even knows--it's probably China.
(laughter and groaning)
I'm sorry. What?
-It's probably China?-(laughter)
America is aboutto elect a president
who treats foreign affairslike a game of Clue?
Uh, it's probably China
with the computerin the library?
What do you mean,it's probably China?
(applause and cheering)
Up to this point,up to this point,
nobody else had mentioned China.
No one had mentioned China
in connectionwith the e-mail hacks. Nobody.
Most people in a positionto know said it's Russia.
But after about 30 minutes,Donald Trump then said this.
We don't even know who it is.
I heard this morning,
one report saidthey don't think it's Russia.
They think it might be China.
I'm sorry.You heard this morning?
-You were the one who said it!-(laughter, applause & cheering)
How do you say that?
"Oh, I-I heard...I heard this morning.
I heard this morningwhen I said it myself."
-(applause and cheering)-You can't do that, Trump.
You can't do that.
-You can't cite yourselfas a source. -(laughter)
And you know how I know that?
Because someone said it earlierin this show.
Me. I said that!
You can't cite yourself.
It's like editingyour own Wikipedia page.
-What the hell is wrongwith you? -(laughter)
This is (bleep)is getting scary, people.
And I don't understand how somepeople say they can't see it.
You know,because Donald Trump is almost
like global warming right now.
People are tryingto deny that it's real.
Oh, they think it's somethingwe can worry about later,
but it is happening right now.
-And it also involves a lotof cow (bleep). -(laughter)
So, so, again, again,
there should be no contest.
Because let's look at this,let's be honest.
Flat out,Republican or Democrat,
let's look at the worst-casescenarios on both sides.
With Hillary Clinton,worst-case scenario--
you have a bad presidentfor four years, all right?
And America's hadbad presidents before.
You'll get through it.
But, America, you have never hada Donald Trump before.
A man who, claiming to be leaderof law and order,
that man who invitesforeign hackers
to steal filesthat he himself said
contain Americannational security data--
that man-- that's leaderyou've never had.
A man who publicly admires
and now very possibly colludeswith Vladimir Putin.
-A man who is lovingly endorsedby Kim Jung-un. -(laughter)
A man who praises and doublesdown on praising Saddam Hussein.
These are his role models.
And these people--what you have to understand is--
once they're in power,they don't go away.
You don't get a chanceto vote them out in four years.
Their rule endswhen the country ends.
So to all the people out thereconsidering voting for Trump,
I hope you enjoy your vote,
because on days like this,you realize,
this could be the very last voteyou will ever get.