D.C. Benny - German Shepherd

Benny, Ifft, Lukas Season 4, Ep 0402 01/15/2001 Views: 7,345

Being Jewish and owning a German Shepherd is not a good mix. (1:37)

ME.

THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM.

I'M JEWISH.

YOU KNOW.

I'M JEWISH.

I HAVE A GERMAN SHEPHERD.

THAT'S A BAD COMBINATION,

YOU KNOW.

'CAUSE HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME

LIKE HE'S THINKING ABOUT THE

GOOD OLD DAYS.

(LAUGHTER)

THE WORST PART ABOUT HIM IS,

YOU KNOW, WE NEVER GOT HIM

FIXED, SO HE'S HORNY ALL THE

TIME.

AND HE HUMPS EVERYTHING IN THE

APARTMENT.

YOU KNOW, THE CATS ARE LIKE

GRRRR.

YOU KNOW.

AND HE LOVES TO HUMP MY WIFE'S

LEG AND HE LOOKS AT ME WHILE

HE'S DOING IT, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, "THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN

DO ABOUT IT. JA.

WHERE IS YOUR MESSIAH NOW?"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

(WHISTLES AND CHEERING)

ONE THING I MISS WHILE I'M HERE

IS THE LOCAL CABLE ACCESS SHOWS,

YOU KNOW.

THAT'S ALWAYS EXCITING.

'CAUSE YOU CATCH SOME WEIRD

MUSIC VIDEOS.

I SAW BEFORE I LEFT AN INDIAN

RAP ARTIST, WHICH IS--

IT WAS COOL, MAN.

THIS GUY COME OUT.

HE'S LIKE, "(BLEEP)-DAMNIT,

THIS IS BUM-STICKITY.

(LAUGHTER)

♪ (RAPPING) I MAKE MY STUFF FLOW

♪ JUST LIKE OLD--

♪ ...LOW SLUNG PANTS

♪ AND FAT TIMBERLANDS

♪ AND I'M STRICTLY FORTY OUNCE

♪ NEVER, EVER USE A CANDLE

♪ I GOT A CASEWORKER WHOSE NAME

♪ IS SAM

♪ BAM, SLAM,

♪ GREEN EGGS AND HAM

♪ I'M LOOSE LIKE DR. SUESS,

♪ 'CAUSE SAM I AM

♪ WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU, MA'AM

♪ I'M SPICY LIKE CODY,

♪ NOT BLAND LIKE SPAM

♪ I GOT THE YEAR-ROUND TAN

♪ I WATCH C-SPAN

♪ I BUSTED MORE COLUMNS THAN A

♪ RUBBER BAND MAN

♪ 'CAUSE MY STUFF'S IN DEMAND,

♪ JUST LIKE A NAME BRAND

♪ WHEN I COME TO THE JAM,

♪ I GOT MY JOHNSON IN MY HAND

♪ I COULD GO ON FOREVER

♪ LIKE A LAY-AWAY PLAN

♪ MY DIME'S KEEP CALLIN'

♪ JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME

♪ AND I'M HARD ON THE ASS

♪ LIKE A ELECTRICAL EXAM

♪ 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER

♪ PUNJABI FROM PAKISTAN