Pete Correale - Instructional Tape

Fatel, Correal, Chatman, Laybourne Season 2, Ep 0205 06/06/1998 Views: 14,102

Instructional sex tapes have dumb advice. (2:56)

YOU'LL BE ABLE TO TELL AFTERI TALK FOR FIVE MINUTES,

SO DON'T WORRY.

I'M HAVING FUN.

YOU KNOW, I'M LOOKINGFORWARD TO THE SUMMER.

I WAS LIVING WITH A WOMANAND WE JUST FINALLY ENDED IT.

AND IT'S TOUGH 'CAUSEWOMEN DON'T MOVE IN,

THEY TAKE OVER,THEY DO.

AND YOU KNOW WHATTHE WORST WAS ?

THE SEX GOT CRAMPED.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU'RE COMINGHOME WITH THE SAME THING.

SHE'S AT HOME KNOWINGYOUR COMING HOME.

WE ACTUALLYHAD TO GET A TAPE

ON HOW TO HAVEBETTER SEX.

NOT A PORNO,

I MEAN A VIDEOTAPE GIVINGINSTRUCTIONAL LESSONS.

AND THE WOMAN ON THE TAPEGIVES THE DUMBEST ADVICE.

SHE GOES "RUBYOUR NAKED MATE'S BODY

WITH A FEATHERBEFORE YOU HAVE SEX."

WHERE AM I GONNA GET AFEATHER IN NEW YORK CITY ?

WHAT AM I GONNARUB HER WITH,

A DIRTY PIGEON FEATHER ?!

YOU KNOW WHATANOTHER ONE WAS ?

"STAND NAKED FIVE FEET APARTAND JUST COMMENT ON

WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUTEACH OTHER'S NAKED BODY."

YEAH, WHICH WOULDWORK GREAT

IF WE WERE ALL SUPERMODELS,YOU KNOW ?!

WE'RE SITTING THERELOOKING AT EACH OTHER,

I'M LIKE "ALRIGHT,I'LL START, YOU READY ?

"ALRIGHT...

"YOU GOT NICE TEETH,I LIKE YOUR TEETH.

NICE AND WHITE."

SHE'S LIKE,"YOUR BEER BELLY,I LOVE THAT."

"I KNOW YOULIKE THAT, HONEY.

THAT'S WHY I DON'TLOSE THE WEIGHT."

SO I JUST WENTHOME RECENTLY.

I GREW UP IN LONG ISLAND,I WENT TO SEE MY MOM.

MY MOM WORRIES,SHE FREAKS OUT SO BAD, YOU KNOW.

LIKE MY DAD WAS LATECOMING HOME FROM WORK.

SHE GOES"GO LOOK FOR HIM."

I'M LIKE "WHERE ?!"

LIKE I'M GONNA GOKICK OPEN A WAREHOUSE DOOR

AND SEE MY DAD TIED TO A CHAIRWITH A GAG IN HIS MOUTH !

"YOU GOT HEREJUST IN TIME,

THE CANDLE WAS GONNABURN THROUGH THE ROPE."

SHE MAKES MY BROTHERGO LOOK FOR HIM, RIGHT ?

THEN MY DAD COMES HOME, SHE'SLIKE "WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER ?"

I GO "LOOKING FOR HIM !"

SHE GOES "GO LOOKFOR YOUR BROTHER !"

"MA, DO YOU SEEA PATTERN HERE ?"

BUT SHE STRESSEDCOLLEGE.

AND IT'S IMPORTANT FORITALIAN GUYS TO GO TO COLLEGE.

RIGHT, MYITALIAN FRIENDS.

'CAUSE EVERYBODY THINKSITALIAN GUYS, WE'RE DUMB.

'CAUSE WE SOUND LIKEROCKY WHEN WE TALK.

BUT WE'RE NOT DUMB,WE'RE JUST A LITTLE SLOWER.

THAT'S WHY WE ALWAYSREPEAT THE QUESTION.

WE'RE JUSTBUYING TIME.

IT'S LIKE "CORREALE,WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY ?"

"WHAT DID I DO TODAY ?"

"WHAT DIDI DO TODAY ?"

YOU GOTTAGO TO COLLEGE.

YOU EVER GO HOMETO VISIT YOUR BUDDIES

THAT NEVER WENT AWAYTO COLLEGE ?

THEY'RE LIKE, "DUDE,COLLEGE IS JUST A SCAM.

"YOU LEARN MOREIN THE REAL WORLD

THAN YOU EVER DOIN COLLEGE."

I'M LIKE "GREAT, "LET ME GET$20.00 REGULAR UNLEADED,

PUMP THREE."

SOME THINGS IN COLLEGES,BUYING THE BOOKS,

THAT'S THEBIGGEST SCAM.

THERE'S ALWAYS THATGEEKY GUY GOING

"DON'T FORGET ATTHE END OF THE SEMESTER,

WE BUY THE BOOKS BACKRIGHT HERE."

RIGHT, THEN YOU BUY$200 WORTH OF BOOKS,

THE END THE SEMESTERYOU GO TO SELL THEM BACK,

THEY GIVE YOU$3.50 !

( loud applause )

I'M LIKE"THANKS, THANKS,

"NOW I CAN GOBUY THAT CANDY BAR

I HAD MY EYE ONTHE WHOLE SEMESTER !"